


I'm Bad At Keeping My Emotions Bubbled

by Simp4Teeth



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Nen, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I PROMISE ITS NOT ALL ANGST, ITS GONNA BE FLUFFY TOO, M/M, No beta we die like kurapika probably will if togashi ever comes back, Nonbinary Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Not Beta Read, Obsessive Behavior, Self-Destruction, Survivor Guilt, The Kurta Clan Massacre (Hunter X Hunter), The Phantom Troupe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and i kin kurapika, but hes mad about it, kurapika becomes obsessed with him, leopika - Freeform, leorio being perfect, leorio tries to help, minor killugon bc theyre literally in 9th grade, obsessive kurapika, pika is ENBY but is not technically public, prob some smut later too bc im horny for leorio, rating will change when it gets there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27405142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simp4Teeth/pseuds/Simp4Teeth
Summary: "He was right. I have nothing. The only thing I had was my obsession, my hatred. and now it's gone."Kurapika has always lived with a single purpose, but now that it's gone, he doesn't know what to do. What's the point of living if not with purpose? There isn't one.But maybe Leorio, an aspiring med student, can give him a purpose again, something to live for, to die for. Or better yet, he can help him.- or -Kurapika has used unhealthy coping mechanisms all his life and now its coming back to bite him. In the form of an obsession on a new friend. That may or may not be the literal embodiment of perfection. But like hell Kurapika would ever admit out loud that he needs help combating these new feelings. maybe Leorio will pick up on it though.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 22
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,,, this is like, the first thing I've written in years so I apologize SO hard in advance. This fic is basically just me projecting onto Kurapika bc I kin him and I am madly in love with Leorio 😔 I kinda started writing this on a whim so idk how many chapters its gonna be tbh, but ill try to set a schedule !

“Chrollo Lucifer, along with the rest of this “Phantom Troupe” has been found guilty of the slaughter on the Kurta Clan and will be faced with life in prison.” The judge brought down his gavel and the courtroom immediately started coming undone. Chatter erupted as the troupe was stood up and began to be taken away. Reporters and photographers bustled around me and dragged me closer to Chrollo, speaking miles a minute.  
“Mr. Kurapika! Over here!”

“Sir, can we get a picture of you looking at Chrollo and the troupe?”

“Kurapika look this way!”

I felt de-boned. Letting myself be pulled this way and that. Who cares about them anyway? I won. Let them do whatever. Slowly, I brought my eyes up towards the murderers, instantly making contact with their leader. He was already looking at me. Smiling blankly. 

A dozen flashes suddenly went off as the chatter somehow got even louder. Reporters and photographers alike trying to get a piece of the infamous trial. The one that had been going on for a decade now. A trial against a child and more than a dozen, murderous thieving adults. Well, I wasn’t a child anymore, but I was when it started. I was when they took my family away from me. When they slaughtered my people in front of me. When I was left the lone survivor of the Kurta clan and was forced to assimilate with people that were not of my own kind that knew nothing of me. Being bounced around from house to house like the charity case I was.

But that is over now. I won. My brethren can rest in peace knowing I avenged them.

So fine, I will look at the stupid camera and answer a few of their stupid questions.  
\-----------------------------  
Even as I opened the courtroom doors and walked outside the reporters didn’t stop.

“Kurapika what will you do now?” Get some sleep.

“Try to focus on school and the rest of my life.”

“How do you feel?” Tired.

“Relieved that my family can rest in peace.”

“Is there anything you want to say to those who have been following and supporting your trial from the very start?” It was a young lady this time, blushing as she pushed the microphone towards me. Hoping for an answer. “myself being one of those followers…” she said bashfully, still looking at me expectantly.

Leave me alone and let me live a normal life.

I stopped and gave her the best, most grateful smile I could muster. 

“I want to say thank you, thank you to everyone who has helped me these past years. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts as I struggled with this. If it wasn’t for you all, I might have given up. Seeing the letters of encouragement kept me going, letting me power through even the hardest of times. The donations many of you sent helped me stay out of poverty, and they helped me sign up for college. So, thank you. Thank you all, for uncovering the steps to living a normal life.”

Rounds of applause thundered as more flashes went off, the young reporter swallowing thickly as she nodded. I made my way down the courthouse steps and smiled and waved to the crowd one last time as I got into my car. Driving away as quickly as I could. 

Music played quietly as I stared at the road. 

So that’s it huh? I won. My family has been avenged. I can do something other than worry and have nightmares every single night. I can live.  
A shiver ran throughout my entire body and my hands shook profusely, tightening around the steering wheel as I grit my teeth. 

Stay Calm.

Though of course, easier said than done.  
\-----------------------------  
As I pulled up to my apartment, I noticed a bright red car and an obnoxiously familiar face with hair the same color as his car. He was the top reporter of my case, yet he was the only one not there today.

Stepping out of my car, his eyes followed me, and he slid off the hood of his car, making his way over. 

“Hisoka, I didn’t see you today.”

“Yes, that is true.” He said as he stopped in front of me, smiling devilishly down at me. “I guess I wasn’t in the mood to see any old friends. But I think you were fine without me, Hm?” I scoffed.

“Of course, I was. If I were able, I would be fine without you for the rest of my life.”

Hisoka mocked hurt and brought a hand up to his chest. “Now now, don’t be so rude, we helped each other quite a bit haven’t we? What’s all the harshness for?”  
It was true. He had helped me. A lot. But that’s exactly the reason I wanted to be rid of him. 

“You scratched my back and I scratched yours, right? I thought we had a nice little thing going on.” He continued to look at me with pleading eyes for a moment more, before giving up and shrugging his shoulders. “Oh well I suppose, all’s well that ends well. I became one of the top reporters of the decade and have access to any and every case that strikes my fancy and you..” His eyes narrowed while looking me over. “you won the fight. How amusing.” 

All I did was stare blankly. He was a tricky character, only speaking when it would benefit him. So what was he looking for now?

“So, what are your plans now?” He asked with a smile. “Oh, and you don’t have to act all grateful in front of me, we can move past that now. Plus, I don’t have my crew with me.” He was right, there were no more cameras, nor would there ever be. Hopefully anyways. Seeing him alone reminded me of the time he first came to me with a proposal. One that he promised would end with the troupe behind bars. And they did. 

All those years ago when I was no more than 14 and my case had just started gaining popularity, he came to me. A young and fresh reporter, thirsty for anything he could sink his teeth into. Anything to let him raise up in rank, and if he was lucky, keep him amused at the same time. Turns out I was the perfect fit. 

Our first interaction was after a lawyer, had just publicly announced he would be taking me in pro-bono on the steps of the courthouse after another failed trial. Hisoka was the first one to ask me how I felt and I remember the blood I tasted in my mouth when I bit down to keep myself from saying something rude. 

I was young, but not stupid. I knew the lawyer, Tonpa was his name, would gain rank from this little ordeal; I knew he was using my helplessness to his own gain. I knew it. But I just smiled up at him with tears in my eyes as I thanked him. Hisoka was still waiting for an answer, so I gave him one. 

“I feel so eternally grateful, maybe now I have a chance at taking the troupe down. Maybe now,” I said while looking back up at Tonpa “maybe I have a chance at happiness now.” Hisokas’ grin grew into something devilish as he peered down at me. Satisfied with the answer. After that, more reporters crowded around Tonpa and I and I lost sight of the red-haired reporter. Many of them congratulating me on scoring such a kind lawyer. And many more wanting to talk to Tonpa and asking to interview him. He, of course, the crook he was, ate it all up.

It didn’t last long though. He was defeated in the very next trial. Practically murdered by the troupes’ defense. And with that defeat, came ridicule. Which meant his new-found popularity and clients disappeared as quickly as they came. 

The very same evening, Hisoka found me sitting at the park next to the courthouse. He came and sat next to me on the bench, crossing his legs before turning his head to look at the night sky. Not saying a word.

After what felt hours, though undoubtedly only a few minutes, I broke the silence. 

“What do you want?” I asked, more anger than I intended coming out in the question. He just smiled. 

“I want to make a deal. One that will benefit us both.” He turned to look at me, eyes narrowing in on me. “I know a bit about the spiders, in all honesty, it’s a reporters job to learn about what entices the audience you know.” I glared at him and stood up quickly. 

“Why would I make a deal with someone like you. You’re obviously just trying to get something out of me?” I shouted, throwing my arms out in front of me.

“Yes, that is true. And it’s because I can help. That’s why. I know about them, their secrets, their habits. What do you know? The color of their hair, their name? so does everyone else in the world. Ultimately, you know nothing. Which means you have no hope of defeating them.” His words stung and brought my anger back up to the surface. 

“Shut up.” I spat out, and honestly, he wasn’t wrong. I just didn’t like hearing it. “What does it matter to you, what could you possibly get out of me.” At this his eyes lit up, I had taken the bait.

“So glad you asked.”

After that, we acted together. I would pay attention only to him when there were other reporters around, and I would act however he instructed me too. Whatever I had to in order to get him an audience. He became known in the world of reporters quickly, being the only one who could really “make me talk” and give an interesting story. I, playing alongside his rules, barely even looked at other reporters, clinging to only him and even praising him. He used me, like Tonpa did. He used me to gain popularity. The only difference is that his popularity lasted. 

He was the most well-known reporter in all of Yorknew city now. He was there at every scene quicker than anyone else. He had access to things that had not even been made public yet. He had gotten what he wanted. 

“What am I going to do now” 

“Yes, that was the question, Kurapika.” He said while smiling. 

“I'm going to go to college, get an education, I guess. Try to get a good stable job. I don’t know, just try to live a normal life? Not be running after someone all the time. Always one step behind.” I looked down, in all honesty. I didn’t really know what I was really going to do. Go to school yeah, but what else. 

“Get some decent sleep for the first time in a decade.” 

“How boring.” Hisoka said, eyes losing their gleam. 

“Excuse me?” I asked taken aback, how was winning a decade long battle and trying to just, I don’t know, live. Boring? For years it has sounded like the most exciting thing that could ever happen to me. Also, a nearly impossible thing to happen to me. 

“I said it sounds boring.” Hisoka moved closer to me and brought a hand up near my face, grabbing a lock of my hair and twiddling it in his fingers. “Kurapika, I have known you for many years, yes?”

I nodded. My hair still in his grasp.

“As a parting gift, I will give you a little knowledge.” He moved his face closer to mine, lips near my ear and he whispered “You won't be satisfied with such mundane things. All your life you’ve had a purpose, an obsession. What you will do now that it is gone?” He let go of my hair as he stepped back and looked at me, the gleam in his eyes had returned. “I know for a fact that you have what, one friend? And No hobbies, no nothing. The closest thing you have to an advisor is me, and while I’m lovely, I doubt I mean much to you. What are you going to do when you need actual help? You’re an adult now, you’re going to have responsibilities, things to take care of. You barely made it through high school because you missed so many days due to court and you can barely take care of yourself. It pains me to say it, but you have nothing.” 

It most certainly did not pain him to say that. Any of it. 

“I don’t need anything; I have been given the chance to start over Hisoka. I’m going to gratefully accept it.” I said while glaring up at him. 

“Kurapika, were more alike than you think. We need to stay entertained. Need something to fill us up. Need something to give us the fuel to keep going, and yours” He said while placing a hand on my shoulder lightly. “just ran out.” I just scoffed at him and turned my head. 

I do not need anything. 

“But, if you insist that you’re fine, I’ll believe you. But please, try not to go too crazy without me, ok?”

“hu-“ I was cut off as he enveloped me in a hug, squeezing tightly and bringing his lips close to my ear once again. 

“Try not to die without anything to live for.” 

With that, he pulled away and patted my head, before turning and walking towards his car. 

“If you ever need me, or just want to catch up, call me.” Then he got in his car and drove away. Leaving me alone in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Just like that, he was gone. Signifying the end of that long, long chapter in my life.  
\-----------------------------  
By the time I had walked up the stairs to my small apartment and got inside, I nearly fainted from just how tired I was. A decade of bad sleep catching up to me all at once.  
I stumbled into my room and lazily took off my suit and climbed in bed. I stared at the suit from where I laid, in a heap on the floor and I scowled. I didn’t want to wear or see a suit ever again. I didn’t want anything to remind me of my life up until now. I wanted everything to be new. No more dreams, no more courtrooms, no more reporters, and no more obsessions.

I didn’t even notice when I started crying, or how long I had been doing it when I noticed the rather large wet spot on my shirt and pillow. But I fell asleep thinking about it.  
\-----------------------------  
When I woke up, it was in a cold sweat with a rapidly beating heart. And suddenly, I realized two things. 

1.) Just because I defeated the troupe doesn’t mean the nightmares will go away. 

And 

2.) There was a hungry feeling aching inside me, the same kind of aching I got when I thought the troupe was going to be convicted by someone other than me.  
And that feeling, was emptiness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day bc i was working on these as I was waiting to get an invite from AO3 🙄 so anyways, hope yall like it I already got a comment from someone on the last chapter and it literally made my heart go "🥺🥺🥺" so yeah ily person ALSO LEORIO MAKES HIS DEBUT IN THIS CHAPTER AWOOGA

Finally. Finally. 

School finally started tomorrow. Which means I would finally have something to do. I would finally have something to focus on. For the past two weeks, all I had been doing was mindless activities to stay occupied. Anything to keep my mind of that achy feeling that had yet to leave me. Anything to quell that odd numbness.

I have convinced myself that the feeling is no more than delayed sadness, pain I didn’t fully express when my family died because I had been too focused on revenge to properly mourn. It was nothing else. Nothing like Hisoka said. It wasn’t emptiness, because I should obviously feel fulfilled, right?

Obviously.

It was just pain. And like all other pains, it will fade.

But it hasn’t. Not yet anyways. 

Currently, I was inside my bathtub for the second time this week, scrubbing at its already shining surface, the smell of cleaning chemical practically infused with the tub by now. But oh well, I needed something to do.

“Really Kurapika, again?” 

“hu- sHIT OW” Getting up quickly to turn around I slipped and fell, hitting my head on the side of the tub. “Fuck… Killua, what are you doing here?” I asked while rubbing my head gingerly. No doubt this way going to leave a nasty knot.

“Well I called you like 9 times and you didn’t answer so I kinda just came over…” The white-haired boy said while shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“Ok sure yeah,” Pressing my hand to my lower back I got up, looking at the home invader. “But how did you get in.”

“Uh I just picked your lock? I don’t know why you ask me every time despite knowing the answer. We have rules, remember? You don’t answer your phone for more than 8 times and I am legally obligated to come check on you” He said rolling his eyes. “For all I know you could’ve worked yourself into a coma.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes back at him as I stepped out of the tub and brushed myself off. “I don’t have anything to work myself to death to anymore. And also,” I said while narrowing my eyes at him. “You aren’t not legally obligated to do anything. I can assure you that we did not sign any legally binding contract of any sort. Your little 8-time rule is just something you made up while you were like, 11 or something.” 

“Well duh, but you obviously still don’t know how to take care of yourself. So as far as I’m concerned, I will abide by the law, our law.” Killua smiled mischievously at me and gave in, shoulders slumping a bit as I smiled back at him. 

“Ok ok, you win do whatever, but try to not sneak up on me next time, ok? I nearly gave myself a concussion when you scared me.”

“I- Kurapika… I literally called your name by the front door for at least a minute and a half, then another in the living room.” 

“Well those places could be out of earshot maybe I jus-“

“Then I knocked on the bathroom door… twice.”

“oh.” Instantly, an awkward silence filled the room, and the younger boy sighed and walked out of my bathroom.

“Anyways,” He said while making his way to my pantry, myself heading towards the couch. “Since you start school tomorrow, I was wanting to hang out or something.” He came and plopped down on the couch next to me, a chocolate robot in hand.

“Oh NOW you want to hang out with me, huh, but when I asked to do something last week you left me on read.” He dipped his head sheepishly and tore open the sweet.

“I had already made plans with someone, sorry…” At this I perked up, looking at him quizzically. Killua, hanging out with someone other me? He’s just as bad at making friends as I am. I couldn’t help but twist my face in curiosity, in all honesty, if it wasn’t for the fact that we had happened to have a trial hearing on the same day we would’ve never met, let alone become friends.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO LOOK SO SHOCKED!” He shouted at me, hands clenched at his sides, and a light blush across his face. “Is it that surprising to hear… that I made a friend?” For a moment, all I could do was look at him fondly. He was growing up, moving on from his past. Embracing the future. 

If only I could do the same. 

“Well, if I’m being honest, it is a little surprising to hear. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you, how did you meet them?” I asked, and he instantly loosened up, body going from tense and on-edge to light and springy.  
“At school! My classes started last week, remember? “I nodded. “Well his name is Gon and he’s in my first period, and a couple of others but that’s when he started talking to me. He immediately came and sat next to me, which pissed me off at first because I sat at the back deliberately just so I would be left alone but then he was all like ‘Hey I’m Gon! You look cool blah blah blah is that your skateboard? I didn’t know we were allowed to have those in here.’ Then he started saying how-” 

He continued talking for some time, giving me in-depth detail on this new Gon character, and I was happy for Killua. Seeing him swell up with such happiness is something that rarely happened. 

When we met, he was sitting on a bench outside of a courtroom, the bench that I sat on every time I came here. And he just looked at me, eyes void of any kind of emotion, then he looked back down. Not saying a word.

We met like that a couple more times, and each time he was sitting on my bench, the second time, I sat down next to him. All he did was tense up.

The third time, I sat down next to him again. This time he started shaking, crying as he did so. I just let him.

The fourth time, he wasn’t sitting, he was standing with a group of people. He wore that same lifeless look he did when I had first seen him. He turned when he heard me walking towards the bench. He watched me as I sat down. Then looked back at the group of people he was with, all arguing profusely. Suddenly, he walked over to my, well, our bench now I suppose, and sat down. Without taking his eyes off of his family, gleaming with nervousness, he said 3 simple words to me.

“Talk to me.” And I understood.  
\-----------------------------  
“So where exactly were you wanting to go?” I asked Killua as we got into my car. 

“You know that new bookstore that just opened? Well, it’s by the college campus so I figured we could go get any books you might still need, or just whatever, then go check out the campus.” He smiled innocently and I saw right through it. Knowing someone for years will let you decipher their hidden goals pretty easily.

“This wouldn’t happen to be the same bookstore that is next door to a laser tag rink is it?” Killua stuck his tongue out at me childishly and sighed, bringing his hands up behind his head. 

“Yeah it is… you got me. But we should totally go! Gon and I went last week and we loved it, I think you might actually have fun.” He spoke excitedly, eyes lighting up as he talked about Gon again. I smiled back at him, then back at the road as I continued to drive. 

“How about, you invite Gon to join you in laser tag again after we go to the bookstore? I wouldn’t mind walking around the campus, it feels good outside.”

“Wait really?!” He exclaimed, but then stopped. “But I was gonna spend the day with you.” I couldn’t help but smile again. 

“We can spend time at the bookstore together, I’ll even let you pick out some manga if you want and get those disgustingly sweet drinks, they call coffee if you like. Then I can go pick up Gon if need be.” Killua was practically buzzing now, humming with excitement, it made me happy to see it. Because even though he acted tough and like nothing bothered him most of the time, he was still just a kid. No more than a young eighth-grader. 

“That sounds great! I’ll call him right now” Killua fished his phone from his pocket and founds Gons’ name, I heard the line ringing before a distant, but obviously, eager voice picked up. They exchanged information, and from the sound of it, everything went well.

“Gon said his Aunt can drop him off in about an hour and a half, how does that sound?” He asked while holding his phone away from him, Gon still on the other side of the line. 

“Sounds great, I can’t wait to meet you, Gon.” I heard a laugh on the other side of the line and a voice call out; “You too!” 

Before Killua quickly put the phone back to his ear and said a quick goodbye. By the time he was done, I had pulled up to the bookstore. Killua unbuckled quickly and got out, coming over to my side.

“So, do you actually need any books for classes still or did you get them all?”

“I still need a few actually.” I said while getting out of the car, locking it as we walked towards the door.

“Which ones? Actually, what classes are you even taking? I don’t think I’ve asked yet.” I hummed in agreeance, as he opened the door for me. The smell of books and coffee instantly overwhelming my senses.

“I’m just taking my basics right now, I haven’t figured out what I want to do but most every degree requires the core classes like math, biology, history, etc. Ya know?” He nodded as he led me through the bookstore, every once in awhile, passing another customer, most likely college students like myself.

“Oh ok, well here are the textbooks,” He said while presenting rows and shelves full of books, almost all of them were thick and 

“What the hell!? Why are these all so expensive? It’s not like people actually want to get these, damn.” I hummed in agreeance as I scanned the shelf, fingertips brushing the spine of the books before I landed on one I needed. 

“Sociology? Isn’t that like, the study of people and society or whatever?” Killua asked, eyes looking over the rest of the books. "Just watch The Joker or something and I'm sure you'll be fine." I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, most careers require it so why not take it now. But honestly, I think I’ll like it.”

“Well duh, all you ever do is analyze people from afar and go all Freud on them,” He said with a huff as he crossed his arms, then he tensed up “Well, without the drug addiction or awkward obsession with your mother...”  
I laughed at that, for someone so robust and typically uninvolved with school, he loved to learn about philosophers.

“Actually, you were kinda obsessed with her in a sense if you think about it; like not in an ‘ooo mommy kiss me’ way but in an ‘I will not sleep until I have avenged you type way.’ Which don’t get me wrong, totally understandable n’ all, but it was definitely an obsession.” I tensed up.

Obsession. Obsessed. 

There was that term again. The same one Hisoka had brought to my attention.

“All your life you’ve had a purpose, an obsession. What you will do now that it is gone?”

I don’t know.

I felt like a rug had been pulled from under me, was I really that dependent on something to fuel me? Was I that weak? Was i-

“Yo Pika, are you listening?”

“You know I don’t like it when you call me that, Killua.” I said, snapping out of my momentary crisis.

“Yeah, I know but, you looked kinda out of it, so I was just tryna help I guess...” I felt my expression soften as I looked at the young boy, he did care about me, so much. So why can’t that be enough for me? Why does this empty feeling still linger?

“Thank you Killua, that was kind of you.”

“Yeah whatever what else do you need,” He said while crossing his arms, a light blush on his face as he turned towards the bookshelves again. “Mathematics, right? That’s a core class.”

“Mmhm, I’m taking algebra.”

We spent the next couple minutes finding my books, then maneuvering our way to the manga section where he bounded up and down the aisles until he had a stack about as tall as him. Then, he began his process.  
One by one he would flip through them, taking note of all the interesting pages he saw, and whichever ones piqued his interest the most, are the ones he purchased. But because he picks up nearly every book on the shelf, it takes a while. 

“I’m going to get our drinks, kay? You want your usual?” He looked up from the manga he had in his head to throw me a quick nod. And with that, I made my way towards the front.  
\-----------------------------  
The closer I got to the coffee, the more overpowering the scent became. Despite its overpowering odor, I could find myself easily getting attached to it. The smell was warm and comforting. Strong and sure.  
Walking up to the register, a boy, probably about my age was there to take my order.

“Hi, can I have-“Just as I was about to tell him my order, a loud voice practically echoed through the store.

“Aunt Mito let's get some drinks! Can we get one for him too?” The young boy asked, leaping over towards my side at the next register.

“Yes, that’s fine.” The lady said as they came up behind him, happily smiling.

“Your order sir?” The man in front of me asked, oh right, order. 

As I finished my order, I noticed the younger boy rocking back on forth on his feet, practically overflowing with energy.

“And what is gonna be the name on the last drink?” The cashier asked me, marker in hand.

“Killua.”

“Killua!” The young boy next to me said excitedly, then turning to look at me. Ah, so this must be Gon.

“Are you Kurapika?!” Gon asked, giving me his full attention, in all honesty, it was kind of intense. I swallowed. 

“Yes, I am. You must be Gon.” I said, smiling down at him. His eyes grew double their size as he turned back to his aunt. 

“Aunt Mito, this is my friends’ friend! He’s’ the one that said I could hang out with them!” His aunt came over to me, a friendly smile on her face as she extended her hand. 

“Hello, it's nice to meet you, Gon has been bouncing off the walls ever since he got the invite.” She giggled, I shook her hand and nodded. 

“Killua has been very happy too, they seem to be good friends.”

She hummed in response as the barista called out our orders. 

“Two for Killua, ready!” Gon looked at me sheepishly and smiled.

“Sorry, I wanted to surprise him.”

“Don’t worry, now he will just be double surprised.” He smiled again as he turned back to his Aunt. 

“Thanks, Aunt Mito, you’ll be back later right?” 

“Of course, I will,” She bent down a little to hug him goodbye “I’ll be back for you later so be good, okay?” 

“Ok!” He said happily while hugging her back. Then, she waved goodbye at me and left. As soon as she walked through the door, Gon turned to face me. 

“Can you take me to Killua, please?”  
\-----------------------------  
“Killua!”

“Gon!” 

Gon practically flung himself at Killua and I was suddenly very pleased with myself that I thought to ask for a drink carrier, no doubt that if Gon had been holding his drink, it would be all over the Killua and the floor.

“I got you a drink!” Gon said as he came over to me, “So did Kurapika! So, you get double.” He grabbed both of Killuas’ drinks and offered them to him, a large smile on his face.  
Killua blushed as he grabbed both of them.

“Thank you,” He looked at me. “Thank you both. But I don’t think I can finish these both.” He said sheepishly. “Do you want an extra Kurapika? It's pretty chilly outside and if you wanted to go look at campus it might help the chill.” I nodded and took it from his and Gon just smiled and walked over to Killuas’ stack of manga.

“Have you found any good ones yet?” He asked as he picked one up and started flipping through it. 

“Yeah.” Killua joined where Gon was and they immediately started discussing which ones were good and which ones were not. I watched them for a moment, and I almost felt content.

Almost.

“Well Ima be off now, I’ll pick you up from laser tag when I'm done at the campus, okay Killua?” The boys stopped mid-sentence and looked up at me. Gon already had a whip cream mustache from his drink and I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Ah ok, be careful and try not to kill any unsuspecting pedestrians, K?” Killua said, smirking a little.

“Bye Kurapika! See you in a bit! I glared at Killua and smiled at Gon as I walked away. As I got to the end of the aisle I turned around to look at them and saw Killua wiping the whipped cream off of Gons’ face.  
\-----------------------------  
The drive was short and when I got out I stared at the two coffees. Yeah, it's cold, but will I get so cold that I'm going to need a warm drink? Am I just going to be annoyed if I have to carry it around the entire time?

But what if I don’t have it and I really need it?

Then I'll be extra mad at myself as I walk back to the car to get it. Plus, if I really don’t need it and don’t wanna carry it around I’m sure there are trashcans somewhere, right?

With my miniature debate complete, I grabbed both coffees and held one in each hand, ready to go.  
\-----------------------------  
I ran into multiple problems quickly. One is that I couldn’t pull out my phone to look at which buildings I actually needed to go to, and the second that there were no trashcans. So that was great,   
dandy even. 

Rolling my eyes as I set both drinks on the ground, I pulled out my phone. Pulling up my schedule I let out a sharp laugh. 

I was on the complete opposite side of where I needed to be.

“Great, just great.” I muttered as I picked up the coffees and started walking again.

I was mad. So mad at myself. So mad at Coffees, so mad at the school. And so mad at the fact that I was mad. 

I knew my anger was unnecessary, but that didn’t help the feeling go away. In fact, it just made it swell up even more. At this point, I really could kill a pedestrian if they rubbed me the wrong way. 

Sorry, Killua. 

As I was practically fuming in anger, I heard someone behind me talking loudly on the phone. 

“Yeah get this, the person in front of, Smoking!” I stopped. 

“Huh? No not like cigarettes I mean,” I didn’t move.

“NO! OH MY GOD I DON’T MEAN HOT I HAVENT EVEN SEEN THEIR FACE LET ME TALK YOU IDIOT” Now, I turned around. 

“I mean angry bro, like you can see the steam comin out of their ears. Huh? Yeah so anyw-“The stranger stopped. And we made direct eye contact, he immediately bristled, and his eyes went wide. 

“Hey man ima have to call you back, I think the person I was talking about heard me.” 

He slid his phone in his pocket and jogged up to me. 

“Hey, sorry about that,” He laughed out as one of his hands came to the back of his head sheepishly. “You just seemed REALLY angry ya know? Sorry if I offended you.” 

Yeah, sorry Killua, I’m about to club a rando to death with a coffee cup.

Just as I was about to begin the kill, the tall stranger stuck his hand out to me.

“I’m Leorio!” He said proudly as if him being himself was an accomplishment. But he didn’t seem to be having an internal war revolving around coffee going on in his head so maybe being ‘Leorio’ was an accomplishment.

I stared at his hand then back to the two coffees in mine, anger threatening to rise up again. 

I took a breath. Then looked up at him. He was smiling at me, and I would be lying if I said he wasn’t attractive. Then, I took yet another deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Hello Leorio, in case you’ve failed to notice, I’m in a bit of a predicament right now. Because as you can see both of my hands are full. I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak so loudly about me, while behind me, anymore.”

And with that, I turned around and started walking, almost proud of myself for not killing him. But then, he decided to keep talking. 

“Wait! Here,” He ran, well, more like took two steps like his insanely long legs and stood in front of me. Simply grabbing one of the cups out of my hand and extending his own again. “There you go! Now we can introduce ourselves to each other.”

I pursed my lips and bit my tongue.

“Yes, I suppose we can.” I said as I grasped his hand in my own.

"Hi, nice to meet you Leorio, I'm Kurapika." And I might have squeezed his hand just a little too tight, but he didn't complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know his debut was short-lived I'm sorry pls forgive me I know I've sinned. I of course love to hear feedback so hmu 😏 also follow me on my kinstagram to see me thirst over leorio @glvtchcore2.0


	3. Let them in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys welcome back to me projecting my problems onto fictional characters !! specifically kurapika but ya know. also I'm going to start using song titles from my kurapika kinne playlist for the titles bc I'm unoriginal so hmu if u notice we might have similar taste in music 😏🙄

I knew I was gripping his hand too tight; I knew it wasn’t comfortable for him. But he showed no sign of discomfort whatsoever. He, Leorio, just smiled down at me. Eyes shut happily.

I all but yanked my hand away and huffed. 

“While it was nice meeting you Leorio, I have to get going now.” He opened his mouth to say something as I reached for that damned coffee and he yanked it upwards out of my reach. 

“WAIT HOLD ON I-”

Wow. Guess he really has a death wish.

“Can I have this?” He asked pleadingly while pointing to the coffee, eyes going doe wide. “If you’re taking it to someone I’m SO sorry please take it but I’m like, really cold and you kinda seemed annoyed at it so maybe it could be a win-win situation…” Leorio said while rubbing his nose with his free hand and looking down at me sheepishly.

His nose was a little red, guess he is cold. 

“Yeah whatever, maybe you should wear something warmer next time.” I said, rolling my eyes.

He laughed, and woah, it sounded so genuinely light and free.

“Yeah, I usually wear suits, but I figured I would try to dress down at least sometimes but look where it got me,” He said while crossing his arms. “Mooching off of a stranger that I made angry.” Leorio sighed and smiled down at me. “I’m just glad the stranger is so nice!” 

Yeah, nice. That’s not exactly the word you would use to describe someone who was thinking of the best place to hide your dead body after clubbing you to death with a coffee cup.

“Mmhm ok, well I’ll be going now.” I turned around to take my leave when I felt a large hand on my shoulder. 

“Quit trying to run off! I didn’t even say thanks, geez bro, you didn’t even tell me your name,” he started digging through his pockets. “Here I didn’t bring my wallet with me but I can give you my phone number so I can take you to buy a coffee sometime.” He said simply.

I just stared. 

Stared at his happy, worry-free face. Stared at his hand gripped around the coffee cup, and the other hand with his phone in his hand.

I scoffed. 

“That will not be necessary, goodbye Leorio.” I began walking away and this time, even though he called my name, he didn’t chase or stop me.  
\-----------------------------  
“Hey Kurapika, how did the campus walk go?” Killua asked as he got into my car. I gripped the wheel a little tighter as I tried to not get angry. 

“Wait Woah, what happened?” He asked, looking at me quizzically.

“I just ran into someone annoying.” 

“Did you know them?”

“No.”

Killua made an ‘Mm’ noise as he scrunched his eyebrows. 

“You didn’t beat them up, right? When I told you not to kill anyone I said it in a half-joking way, I know you let your anger get the best of you sometimes Kurapika.”

Yeah, that’s not what I needed to be reminded of right now.

“No Killua, I didn’t beat them up.” I said through gritted teeth. “In fact, I gave them the extra coffee.”

At this, Killua arched his eyebrow. “Oh? Did you poison it?”

I didn’t respond this time, just sighed and stared out to the road.  
\-----------------------------  
By the time I had dropped Killua off at his house and got back home, I was exhausted. I fell back onto my couch and let out a long, and probably a little dramatic sigh; Arm coming across my face as I welcomed the momentary dark. 

I know I had been wanting a good distraction from, well, everything lately, but wasn’t today a bit much? 

Or perhaps I was simply thinking too much into it. Which wouldn’t surprise me. 

I brought my arm away from my face and rubbed my eyes, before standing up and making my way to my room to get some clothes for a shower.

Tomorrow is my first official day of living a normal life, might as well try to make a good impression.  
\-----------------------------  
“Well, here goes nothing.” I grumbled as I pushed the doors open to my first class. I scanned the seats and found an acceptable table on the second row. 

I wouldn’t look like a suck-up like I would if I sat on the first, but it was still close enough to make a good impression on the professor. It was also completely empty on both sides. 

I slid into the middle seat and smiled to myself, this way if anyone wanted to sit on one side of me, and they would have to come behind me. And if they wanted to sit on the other side, they would be on the row seat by themselves.

And from the looks of it, everyone was buddied with at least one person. So no one would want to sit here unless they were alone.

Smirking, I pulled my backpack up to my lap and pulled out my laptop, turning it on as I surveyed the class. 

No one caught my eye.

Naturally.

Sighing again, I leaned back and put an earbud in. Might as well try to enjoy the time to myself while I can. Music flowed out easily and softly and I closed my eyes.

It was nice if I pretended, I was alone. The music drowned out everyones’, talking and with my eyes closed, I could imagine I was someplace nice. I could imagine I was alone in my house, or in the bookstore, or with Pairo and the rest of my clan. Sitting comfortably in silence. 

How I missed that. The comfortable silence we could all be in with one another. I missed it so much.

I missed them.

I should be with them.

My hand tightened around my phone and I took a deep breath.

No reason to get worked up right now.

Opening my eyes I looked down and paused my music. Instantly, I heard a familiar voice.

“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Slowly, I turned my head to the side to see Leorio standing at the end of the table with his back turned to me, and once again, he was on the phone. And, to my surprise, in a suit. 

How annoying.

“Yeah, you know that dude I was talking about yesterday? The angry one? Well, he’s in my sociology class, and he obviously sat in the middle of the table to make sure no pairs of friends would try to sit by him, guess he’s a loner.” He laughed and turned his head back to me, ear-to-ear smile splayed across his face.

“Kidding,” He said as he showed me his blank screened phone. “No awkward phone call today!” Leorio said as he slid into the seat next to me. Laughing while spinning to face his body towards me.

Just my luck.

“Hello, Leorio. Guess you weren’t lying when you said you normally wore suits.” I wrinkled my nose at that and he grinned.

“Nope, I wasn’t! So how you doin, Sunshine?” I bristled.

“Excuse me? What did you call me?”

Leorio made a ‘Huh’ noise and looked confused for a moment, then his eyes widened, and he blushed while he rubbed the back of his neck.

Must be a nervous tick.

“Oh that,” He laughed again “You never told me your name the other day so as you were leaving I was like ‘well isn’t he just a walking ball of sunshine’ and I started laughing because let's face it, I’m funny. So, I kinda just called you that in my head for the rest of the day and- “

He was rambling.

“Leorio.” He stopped.

“Yeah?”

“My name is Kurapika, now that you know, please refrain from calling me such silly things.” 

“Well hello, Kurapika, how do you do?” Leorio extended his hand to me in a flourish while looking at me over the rim of his glasses. I rolled my eyes at his dramatics and took his hand.

“I’m pretty sure we’ve already done this.” I said while pulling away,

“Nah, you didn’t give me your name last time, so it wasn’t a proper introduction.”

“I see.” 

“Anyways,” He began. “Hate to break it to you, but your plan to sit alone wasn’t exactly fool-proof.”

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. 

“Yeah, well from the looks of it, everyone has already buddied off, so I thought I was in the clear, but I guess some people have a talent for bugging me.”

“Yeah well everyone’s buddied off except you, and me technically,” He stopped. “and HEY I'm not tryna bug you on purpose or anything it just so happens that you appear to be frustrated, like all the time and well, bugged by everything.” The taller man said while huffing and crossing his arms over his chest.

“I am not frustrated all the time!” 

That was a lie. 

“You’re just a frustrating individual who won’t stop talking!” 

Whoops.

Leorio looked hurt, then he looked annoyed.

“Yeah, whatever man” He grumbled as he stood up and reached in his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and set a twenty on the table.

“For the coffee yesterday, and for being just sooo~ annoying I guess.” He grabbed his briefcase and walked away from the table.

What kind of student carries around a briefcase to classes? I asked as I sunk into my seat a little, guilt threatening to form at the bottom of my stomach alongside that aching emptiness.

First day of classes and they have already proven to be troublesome. 

Suddenly, the professor came in through the door, taking abnormally long strides as he went to stand behind a podium. 

“Hello class, I am professor Satotz, welcome to Sociology.”  
\-----------------------------   
The rest of the class went by smoothly, no long-limbed man beside me talking away or trying to shake my hand. The twenty-dollar bill laying in the same place it had been for the entire time, I wasn’t going to take it. 

Does that mean I have to return it to him? I rolled my eyes and try to focus my attention on the Professor, he was assigning homework.

“And because this is a Sociology class, you will need to find a partner to study and study with. Your final will not only test your knowledge of the materials we go over, but how well you can identify others and their characteristics. Find out how society has influenced them to become the person they are today.”

Oh my god. 

Instantly everyone started talking, finding their other halves easily. 

Me? I just sat there. I already knew what was coming.

I heard a chair being pushed back and felt eyes on the back of my head. Then the chair beside me being pulled out and someone slumping into it.

Eyes still on me.

“Ok class, that is it for today. Have a good one.”

And with that, Professor Satotz strode off.

That guilt that had threatened to make an appearance earlier instantly started slithering around again. I could still feel Leorio looking at me, with him right here, I could smell him. 

I didn’t notice the smell of his cologne earlier, but right now, as we just sat there, I smelt it.

I heard him take a breath as he opened his mouth and I quickly turned to face him.

“I’m sorry Leorio, you're right, I do get angry easily, and I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. Will you be my partner for this class?”

He sputtered and blushed as he looked between me and everywhere else.

“Hey hey, it’s fine, it’s whatever you don’t have to try so hard, it’s no big deal…” Leorio paused for a moment. “But I know you’re just being nice to me because everyone else has already found a partner.” He smiled and looked at me, but the smile wasn’t as big as his previous ones.

“Believe what you will Leorio, but even though I may not seem it, I am a good judge of character. Even just going off my original judgment of those around us based on mundane things such as looks and snippets of overheard conversations, you seem to be the most kind and responsible. So, I really am sorry about earlier.”

The blush grew and his hand traveled to the back of his neck once again.

“Don’t say such embarrassing things bro, people are gonna think you swing the other way or something.”  
\-----------------------------   
Leorio really did buy me a coffee in return for the day before.

“Here you go.” He said as he handed me my coffee and sat down at the table with me.

We had agreed to meet up at the bookstore after classes to discuss the homework. And instead of me taking the money, he used it to buy me a drink.

“Thank you, Leorio.” His name had already begun to roll off my tongue so easily, in the short span of a day and a half I had already used it so many times.

It was odd.

Our first assignment was to write an introduction to each other and pick out what we believed is a result of influences, whether it be from school, family, or just the world around us.

“So… I guess it would help if we knew a little bit about each other, huh?” Leorio said sheepishly after working in silence for fifteen minutes.

“Mm.” I looked up from my laptop and cracked my knuckles and neck. “I suppose so.”

“You know that really isn’t good for you, all that popping, it can lead to arthritis.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Ok Doctor, I’ll keep that in mind.” I joked.

“Not yet.” He said.

“Huh?”

“I’m not a doctor yet, I will be, but not yet, not even in med-school yet.”

“Oh.” I didn’t really know how to respond, but he was just looking at me, so earnestly, no anger or annoyance in his eyes, just determination. 

“I’m going to be a doctor and help people; I’m going to heal them. I'm going to make sure everyone who needs help gets it.”

Oh. 

Something panged inside of me as I met his gaze again, there wasn’t even a hint of possible faltering, no insecurities or fear that his goal was unattainable. Nothing but unbridled truth and confidence.

And sadness.

What was the cause of that?

“Oh ok, sorry.” Was my lame response, and he just shrugged.

“No biggie. Now, tell me about yourself.”

This was going to be fun.   
\-----------------------------

For the next hour, we went back and forth giving details about ourselves.

“Wait wait wait, so YOU'RE the one who took down the phantom troupe?” 

“Uh, yeah…” I cringed. I had just told him my entire family had just been slaughtered in front of me and this… was his first response.

“No wonder you looked so familiar! I remember you being on like, all the magazines for a while, even more so when that Hisoka reporter would interview you!” His eyes had widened before he cringed at himself. “Oh uh, real talk though, I am so sorry Kurapika, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you’ve gone through,”

Stop.

“It must have been really hard.”

Please stop.

“But for you to be here right now, victorious, I’m just, in awe of you.”

What?

“You’re so strong, and I know the wounds probably haven’t healed yet but here you are, living life. You’ve done good, Kurapika.”

I’ve done good?

I didn’t know what to say so I just stared at him, and he, like always was just smiling. 

It wasn’t his normal, loud, face-splitting smile though. It was soft. Kind.

Knowing.

“Uh, yeah ok.” I swallowed. “Anyways, your turn… I guess tell me why you wanna be a doctor or something.”

He looked down.

“Well, I guess you could say that while I was growing up, there wasn’t much money. So, I’m going for one of the top-paying jobs.”

He was lying.

“Ok liar, how ‘bout the truth.”

He sputtered and grabbed his coffee, taking a much too large drink. 

For a moment I was mesmerized, his large hands practically encompassing the coffee cup, his lips on the rim of it, Adam's apple bobbing with every swallow. Lips pulling away and the back of his hand coming up to wipe at them.

“Well,” I snapped out of the little trance I was in and shook my head, blinking rapidly. “Uh, my friend died when I was younger, and because there was no money, he ended dying. So, I guess I wanna help. Kinda just honor his memory and do what I can for people.”

“I see.”

“Haha yeah, money makes the world go ‘round after all.” He said while sighing, hand coming back to its’ favorite spot on the back of his neck.

“I think you’ll make a good doctor, Leorio.”

At that, he tensed up for a moment. Then, he gave a soft smile that I could swear held all the compassion of the world in it.  
\-----------------------------   
Hours after saying goodbye to Leorio and making my way home, that deep achy feeling that I had been pushing away came back at full force. 

One moment I was listening to music working on math and the next I was practically hyperventilating.

I could feel it. Moving around all in me, it slithered up my arms and legs, it nestled in my gut, it made it's way up my throat.

It was strangling me.

Somehow, emptiness was strangling me.

Leorio.

What?

Leorio. Leorio. Leorio.

That's right, I needed to talk to him.

I needed to hear his voice.

I fumbled with my phone and found his contact, and if my mind wasn’t so hazy, I probably would have been grateful to him for stealing my phone to put his number in it.

It rang; once, twice, then:

“Hey, Sunshine, what’s up?”

I shivered at the sound of his voice, inhaling a sharp breath. And suddenly, I wasn’t choking anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guhhhh that was embarrassing and YES that was an actual assignment i had to do in sociology it sucked bc were literally all online and we don't know each other. n e ways feedback is loved, craved even 😳 so yeah. ALSO! would yall rather me get on an updating schedule, or just update whenever I finish a chapter? like if I finish two in one week should I update them both, or wait for a certain day?


	4. Posing in Bondage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg hey guess who’s back from a depression induced writers block 😳😳 haha yeah uh maybe I’ll actually update this thing regularly but who knows life sucks Rn so it’s a roll of the dice tbh

“Sunshine...” I spoke out quietly.

“oh yeah! you said you didn’t like that name, sorry about that, what’s up Kurapika?”

What was up? what was I doing again? why am I on the phone with Leorio?

Oh yeah, because I was freaking out.

“I- uh...” I stuttered. what was I supposed to say to him?

“Kurapika? you good buddy? Do you need anything? everything ok?” Worry was laced in his voice.

He worries for someone he barely knows, I thought.

“Hey Leorio, sorry I just,” I scrambled to come up with something. “I was confused about a question, but I figured it out right as you picked up, sorry to bother you...”

Leorio let out a laugh. “It’s all good, I was actually just thinking about you.”

“Huh?”

“Well I mean, you popped into my mind, like I wasn’t explicitly thinking about you or anything I was just in the shower and this song came on and-“

He sure does ramble a lot.

“What song?” I asked, trying to put an end to the rambling.

“Oh uh,” He stuttered. “it’s silly I just kinda figured you would like it...” Leorio said quietly.

I made an “Ah” noise and nodded my head, though it’s not like he could see it.

There was a loud sigh on the other side of the phone and the sound of an object plopping down.

I’m guessing it was Leorio falling onto his bed.

“So... whatcha doin?” He asked, a tinge of nervousness laced through his voice.

“I was just doing school work. I can hang up now, I’m sorry to call you like that- ”

“NO-“ He stopped. “I mean, you don’t have to, I’m just laying here so it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“Well, I should finish my work but,”

“Just stay.”

Something inside me ached and clenched at that.

“I MEAN IF YOU WANT HAHA YOU CAN GO IF YOU NEED SORRY”

“Ok.”

“ITS TOTALLY FINE THAT WAS WEIRD AND I, wait. what?”

“I’ll stay. It might be nice to have company in the house for once.”

“Do you live alone?”

“Mmhm.” I answered as I got up to go to the kitchen.

“Oh cool, I'm moving out of my current place next week into my own apartment. I’m actually really excited.” He said, nervous excitement creeping into his voice.

“I’m sure that’s exciting.” Moving towards the fridge I opened it to grab a bottle of water, Leorio talking about how it will be nice to get some privacy.

“Yeah especially from one of my cousins. Because we live next door to each other he comes over every day, man!” Then a bit quietly he added: “Well, actually these past couple weeks he hasn’t been over as much...”

“Sounds like you’re gonna miss the intrusions, hm?” I joked while sitting back at my desk, bottle of water now sitting next to my laptop.

“If I’m being honest, then yeah. Of course, I am, but I really am excited to be on my own. Though I suppose I could allow Gon to come over after school sometimes.” he said with what sounded like a smirk.

My eyebrow arched as I heard him say that name.

“Gon...”

“Yeah that’s my cousins' name, the one I live next to.” there was a yawn on the other side of the line.

“Yeah sorry, the name just sounded familiar for a moment.” I laughed a bit. “I think I’m just tired.”

“Pfft, considering you look like you embody the spirit of exhaustion bro. I’m not surprised.”

He paused, Then added:

“I don’t mean that in a bad way or anything it’s just that the first time I met you were carrying TWO cups of coffee and the bags under your eyes looked like they had already claimed one of them.”

“So much for not in a bad way.” I grumbled.

Leorio practically squawked and began apologizing.

“I’m just messing with you, I’m sure I did look pretty insane with two cups of coffee.” I began. “And all they did was aggravate me! I even had the whole internal dialogue in my car on whether or not I should bring both of them and in the end, I still ended up making the wrong decision.” I scoffed.

“Nah it’s wasn’t a bad decision.” He started. “Because you got to meet me in all of my 6’4 foot himbo glory!” Leorio stated happily, then added. “Well sorta anyways, pretty sure I also pissed you off but ya know...”

I gaped.

“Did you just, flex your height...” I asked. then after a pause, I added: “And call yourself, a himbo?”

It sounded like Leorio let out a nervous chuckle on his side of the line as and he let out a strangled: “maybe?”

I couldn’t help but giggle a bit.

I stared at my laptop, phone still resting between my shoulder blade and ear. If I listened carefully, I could hear Leorios’ soft breathing and an occasional ruffling of what sounded like sheets.

“Are you already in bed?” I asked as I finally began typing at my keyboard.

He scoffed.

“Already? Kurapika, you do realize it’s almost 2am right?”

“What?”

I looked at the time and sat up ram-rod straight. Sure enough, it was1:52.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry Leorio! I had no idea I shouldn’t have called you I’m-“

“Hey, hey it’s ok,” Leorio said quickly, then more soothingly. “I’m glad you called, I wasn’t ready for bed yet anyway. “

Some of the tension fell from my shoulders as I slouched a little, eyes shutting for a moment.

“Well, I should really let you sleep now.” I said quietly.

“Ok ok, though I wouldn’t mind staying up with you a bit longer.”

I swallowed.

“Good night, Leorio.”

“Aw man, well... Good night, Kurapika.”

With a soft Hum on my part, I ended the call. Setting my phone down on my desk, I stared at Leorios’ contact info.

It read: Leorio Paladiknight.  
and in the notes, it said: coffee moocher with an assortment of emojis.

“Please tell me he doesn’t use those un-ironically.” I said, laughing to myself quietly.

I let out a deep sigh and shut my laptop, getting up from the desk and making my way to my bed.

Stripping to my boxers I crawled under the sheets, cool and smooth.

“I barely got any work done today.” I sighed to myself. bringing my arm up over my eyes the world around me went dark. my room was quiet, the only sound being the occasional buzz from the world outside.

Sometimes, it was nice.

Other times, it wasn’t.

But right now, when I felt at peace, I liked the quiet. my mind didn’t wander far from Leorio and our assignment and it was nice. the quiet was nice. the dark was nice.

\-----------------------------

At 4 in the morning, I realized once again that the quiet is only nice for a while. and when I say ‘a while’ i mean when you feel all warm and fuzzy from a phone call with a long-limbed classmate.

With a loud groan, I rolled out of bed and into the bathroom.

Stopping in front of the mirror I groaned once more, 2 hours of sleep doesn’t count as beauty rest I guess.

The bags under my eyes had deepened and my hair looked incredibly greasy. my lips were so chapped they looked like they had never even heard of chapstick.

“Great, I’ve been walking around looking like a zombie for who knows how long.” Rolling my eyes I turned on the shower, casting any hopes of going back to sleep out the window.

Retrieving my phone from the bed, I scrolled through my playlist to settle on one to play while I showered.

Soft, familiar tunes evaded the space around me as the steam started to pour from behind the shower door.

Stripping down completely I finally stepped into the shower. hot water beat down on my back and I sighed.

Harshly rubbing my face.

My arms fell as did my head. it couldn’t be any later than4:30yet here I was, awake.

And not able to go back to sleep.

“What was the point.”

I asked aloud because honestly, what was it? I spent years trying to catch some underground organization in the name of revenge but it’s like not it fixed anything.

I still wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares, I still can’t walk around without people noticing me. god, I can't even see a spider without going into a fit of rage.

Not to mention the emptiness I feel.

Did people always feel like this?

Lifting my head back up the water ran straight down my body, washing away the sweat and grime from my day-to-day activities.

‘I wish it could wash away my problems’, I thought childishly.

This is something I use to wish all the time when I was younger, how badly I wanted the water to wash away my memories of my blood-soaked kin and their lifeless eyes.

I wanted to be washed away with them.

A shudder ran through my body as I could almost feel myself slipping away. back into those dark thoughts.

How easy it was to be swallowed whole by them.

Then, my phone buzzed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Shutting my eyes a little tighter, I stood still under the water. Then grabbed the soap to begin washing everything away.

\-----------------------------

My towel draped over my shoulders as I stepped out of the bathroom, phone in hand, and still playing music quietly.

Opening the messages, I saw Melody had recently text me.

Something about going out to a celebratory meal tomorrow.

I smiled a little and decided to call her later, even though she was probably still up, I wasn’t quite ready to converse with anyone.

Even if it was my foster mom.

Melody was and always had been good to me. Supporting me throughout years of court battles and endless investigations. She was kind to me when we first met, never prying for me to speak to her, simply letting me live and offering me her care.

Which I learned to gratefully accept.

The bed let out a soft creak as I fell back onto it, hair undoubtedly wetting it.

Staring up at the ceiling, I suddenly had a shocking revelation:

I was bored.

When was the last time I was bored? I pondered.

If I wasn’t caught up in something about the Phantom Troupe, it was with interviewers or trying to catch up on school. maybe even just being in Melody’s or Killuas’ presence. Or literally just doing anything to keep myself from having nothing to do.

I squirmed a little at this realization.

I hated being bored. There was a reason I never allowed myself to be.

After all, an Idle Mind is the Devil's workshop.

Rolling over in bed, I buried my face in a pillow. groaning as I did.

You would think that if you noticed something coming on, you could stop it, right?

Yeah, no. That is sadly not the case for me.

No later than I had this thought, others starting creeping into my mind. like something with too many legs crawling up my legs and arms.

Brushing past my lips and whispering in my ears.

And then, that slimy feeling was back, making it’s home in my gut.

the one of emptiness.

you have no purpose.

you have no role to play.

you have no one.

“I don’t like it.”

My voice seemed to echo throughout my room. Making my declaration even that more prominent. As if I could no longer ignore it.

I found myself understanding what Hisoka had meant.

It was weird, to not be striving for anything or anyone.

I wasn’t used to it. But maybe I could, I could simply convince myself that this is the new normal for me.

Nothing some good ol’ self-manipulation couldn’t fix, right?

Rolling my eyes at myself, I sat up in bed. Towel falling to the floor in a soft thud. pressing my lips into a tight line. I did my best to calm myself down.

It’s ok. You’re ok.

You can live a normal life now, without having to have some type of dire problem to take care of.

I scoffed and got out of bed.

“This is pointless.” Making my way to my closet I began rummaging through my clothes.

Because when all else failed, there’s nothing a wardrobe change couldn’t fix.

\-----------------------------

“Ah, Kurapika, you look nice.”

Melody smiled at me from her seat in one of our favorite local restaurants.

A small sandwich type of shop. With an assortment of soups, sandwiches, wraps, and fresh bakery sweets. It was between both my apartment and Melodys’, my old, home.

She often took me here as a celebration after one of the lawyers found a certain piece of evidence, or when I simply did good in school.

She knew school had never been on the top of my list, but still tried to keep me at least trying to attend.

Because honestly, the attendance was the thing that killed me in school. I can teach myself anything I need to and reach the top, but I’m a busy person.

“Thanks, Melody.” I bent down to hug the small woman, lingering for a moment. She was good to me.

“I was surprised you responded so quickly you know, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t assuming to not hear from you until later tonight.”

“You tell me that every time I answer in less than 48 hours.” I said with a coy smile and a roll of my eyes.

“The truth is the truth.” Her eyes crinkled as she smiled at me and I sat down, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

“So, how is school?” She began.

“So far it’s fine, classes seem easy enough. People are loud though.”

“Yes, they can be.” She said softly.

“How’s Killua?”

“Good. But get this,” I began, stretching my arm across the table to her. “He made a friend! And they hang out all the time now apparently.”

Melodys' smile grew.

“I’m glad to hear that, he’s such a wonderful boy, he needs more friends. Hope you won’t get too lonely without him.” She giggled.

“Oh yeah, for sure. It is nice to not have a near heart attack every day from him sneaking in though. Or him asking for a ride24/7.”

I said smirking slightly.

Just then, a young waiter who we had never seen before came over and introduced himself.

“Hey guys, I’m Zushi. I’m going to with both of you today!” He said cheerfully.

“First, what would you all like to drink?” He asked, looking between us.

“I’ll take a tea.” Melody said, picking up the menu.

“And I a pink lemonade.”

“Sure thing,” Zushi said. “And have y’all decided on what to eat or?”

“I believe we’ve decided.” Melody started, looking at me for approval. we’ve been here so many times, that looking at the menu was simply a courtesy. “I’ll take a chicken salad sandwich, with lightly toasted bread please.”

“And for you?”

“Hm, I think I’ll have the veggie wrap today, please.”

I gathered the menus as Zushi wrote on his notepad, then gave us an ear to ear smile.

“Sure thing! I’ll be right back with your drinks and bring your food out shortly.”

Melody and I said our thanks as he walked away.

“I’ve never seen him here before,” Melody said. “He must be new, looks around Killuas’ age.”

“Yeah, maybe they go to school with each other.” I shrugged.

There was a peaceful silence for a few moments before Zushi came back with our drinks. Setting then down with a light thud and a nod before he was off again.

“So, how have you been? I know things have been a bit difficult for you.” She asked lightly, stirring her drink.

I grimaced a bit.

“Truthfully, yeah. I don’t think I ever imagined that I'd feel so empty without some kind of purpose.” I shrugged. “But other than that I’ve just been trying to stay busy, school helps a lot with that.”

“I understand where your coming from, but I hope you learn that you will always be more than just a ‘purpose’.” I shrugged and she hummed.

“But, I’m glad that you’re staying busy, just as long as you have enough time to sleep and care for yourself.” Melody replied. “Now, tell me about school, how are your classes? do you like your professors?”

“Yeah they’re fine, all my professors seem alright, no red flags or anything so I guess that’s ideal right?” I laughed.

“It’s always good when none of your teachers seem too crazy, how about classmates? meet anyone friendly?”

I rolled my eyes as a certain long-limbed person came to mind, then a small smile followed.

“Well, I met this one dude, made a HORRIBLE first impression!” I laughed. Melody raised an eyebrow as her lip quirked upwards.

“Oh? Do tell more.”

\-----------------------------

Over the course of our meal, I told Melody about Leorios’ loud call and first day in class and even the weird phone call.

She, like always, listened to me with great intent. making a comment here, laughing there. By the time I stopped, we were halfway down with our meal.

“So yeah, long story short, he’s a dweeb but he seems nice.” I said with finality, picking up my wrap to take another bite.

“He does seem nice,” Melody said between bites. “I hope he will be a good friend to you.”

Hearing her say that, I couldn’t help but blush a bit. I’m not sure why but it just sounded so... tender and motherly. I suppose it just made me a bit flustered.

I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to say something when my phone started buzzing.

“Oh hold on.” Melody nodded and I reached for my phone in my back pocket.

Still ringing, I looked at the caller.

Killua.

“Hey Melody and I were just talking about you, did you hear us?” I joked, and Melody giggled lightly.

“I hear everything.” Killua said stoically. Then added. “Are you at that Sandwich shop by any chance?”

“Uh, yeah?” I said in a questioning manner, furrowing my brow. “How’d ya know?”

“You said you and Melody were talking and you're not in your apartment so it was a simple deduction, see you in a few.”

And with that, the phone went silent.

He had hung up.

“Well... Killua broke into my apartment again I guess.” Melody laughed, bringing her hand up to her mouth.

“A lively one he is.”

“Yeah, lively.” I said rolling my eyes.

We finished off the rest of our meals and Zushi came by to collect our dishes and give us our check when Killua opened the door to the shop.

I saw him scan the room before spotting me and strolling over. Hands behind his head as he did so.

“Hey, Melody how’s it goin?” He asked as he slid into the booth next to me, forcing me to scoot over.

“Good, and you?” She asked happily.

“I'm pretty good, though Kurapika seems to love to make my life difficult,” He said dramatically, bringing a hand to hover over his heart. “They didn’t even tell me where they were going, I just HAD to fear the worst had happened to them!” He clenched his hand on his shirt and he draped over me.

I made a loud “oomph!” noise as I pushed him back, Melody just laughed, apparently enjoying Killuas’ antics.

“Geez, who’s side are you on?” I asked with no real malice. Smiling at both of them.

And for a moment, when I was here, laughing with them. I couldn’t help but think to myself that Hisoka was wrong, I do have people that care about me.

Who cares if it was my adoptive mother and some adolescent with family issues.

I smirked and finally succeeded at pushing Killua off of me.

“So, what brings you here?” I asked pointedly. “Or should I ask, what is it that you need?”

“Well I was originally just gonna wait at your place so you could give me a ride to Gons’ but then you said you were with Melody so I walked over.” He said, shrugging.

Melody brightened and Zushi came back with our check.

“Here you go Ma’am I hope you- HEY! You’re the dude from my biology class!” Zushi said while pointing at Killua. “You and the spiky-haired dude kept messing with the frogs!”

Well, that answers Melodys’ and I question from earlier.

I raised an eyebrow Killua and Melody did the same, he shrugged sheepishly.

“Thanks for ratting me out bro...” Killua directed at our waiter. “See if Gon and I ever ask you to be in our group again.”

“HUH? WELL, I-“ He stopped and looked glum for a minute before clearing his throat. “Uh, anyway, here’s the check, have a good day!” He said before he walked away quickly.

I sighed and looked back at the white-haired boy beside me.

“Be nice to your classmates, and don’t be disrespectful to dead creatures,” I started. “That goes for your friend too!”

“Ok, mom.” He said, raising his eyebrows.

I just huffed, throughout the years I had been called that too many times to actually care anymore.

“Let the boy have fun, Kurapika, he’s young.” Melody chimed in.

“Hey!” I yelped in betrayal. “Taking this hooligans side?! Over mine?!”

I felt like being as dramatic as Killua earlier.

“Yes!” Killua said, pumping his arms in victory. “Melody sided with me soooo... it’s an automatic win.” He smirked.

“Yeah whatever, guess you aren’t getting a ride.” I said, pushing Killua towards the end of the booth, he lept out and crossed his arms at me as I followed behind him.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

Standing up, I stretched my arms over my head and bent my knees a few times.

“Dang, you pulled out the platform demonias and studded belt for a lunch date with your mom? How depressed are you?” Killua said, looking at my outfit.

I made a noise of indignation and crossed my arms back at him.

Melody came and looped her arm in mine. Patting my hand gently.

“I think they look very charming.” She said.

“Thanks, Melody, love you.” I turned and enveloped the small woman in a hug, head resting lightly on one of her many hats.

“I love you too.” She replied, returning my hug before I pulled away.

“You too Killua.” She said as she grabbed the younger, giving him a short and tight hug. Killua laughed and returned it.

Melody turned back to me. “Well, I have to get going now, errands to run, but call me soon ok?”

“Of course.” I replied as we began walking out of the shop. Cool air pushing against us as we opened the doors.

“See you later Melody!” Killua yelled as she walking in the direction opposite of my car.

She waved back and I did the same. Then me and Killua finished heading to my car and got in.

“So, you know where his house is in assuming?” Pulling out my phone to begin the music.

“Yeah! I’ve just been riding the bus there after school lately so I can tell you how to get there.”

“Well, let’s go then.”

I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

“Ok so your gonna turn left at the right, then three streets down you turn right. I’ll tell you more in a minute.”

Killua concluded and I hummed in approval.

“So I guess you really like Gon?” I asked, perhaps in a teasing manner.

Killua sputtered and pinked.

“Yeah, he’s cool.” He said simply. Glaring at me.

“Mm, I’m glad to hear it. You know, it’s been weird without you draining my fuel tank every day.”

“Aww, you do miss me.” Killua said, batting his eyelashes at me.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“I miss you too” He added quietly. “By the way, you rarely answer your text”

I winced a bit at that. Because he was right, even Melody had brought up my lack of skill when it came to responding to messages in a timely manner.

“Sorry, I forget to check it sometimes.”

“Yeah sometimes... Oh! Turn on the next street.”

I turned and for a moment, the only noise was the music coming out softly from the speakers.

“Anywayssss” Killua started, drawing out the ‘s’. “Learn to answer your phone I guess, or I'm going to start sneaking in to check on you when you're asleep.”

I glared at him for a second.

“I’m gonna have to urge you to NOT do that again, the last time you did I’m pretty sure we both ended up with concussions.”

“Oh yeah!” Killua laughed as if remembering a fond memory.

“Ok make another turn to the right and then it’ll be the second house on the left.”

We pulled up to a cute, two-story house. And nearly immediately, his friend came bounding out, gravity-defying hair sticking straight up.

Killua practically jumped out of the car to meet him. They talked for a few seconds before they came over to me. I rolled my window down.

“Hey, Kurapika! Wanna come in? Aunt Mito just made cookies!” His friend said to me.

“I just ate but thank yo-“

“It’s ok! you have to try one, Mitos’ are the best!” He said, opening my door for me.

I guffawed at his forwardness and looked at Killua for backup, but he was just grinning widely at his friend, seemingly not shocked but his actions.

“Oh ok...” I said while turning off the car and unbuckling. I stepped out of the car and was sandwiched by the two boys, both unconsciously leading me to the front door.

As we walked in I was immediately met with the smell of cookies, a mixture of what smelt like; chocolate, sugar, and... peanut butter?

“Mito! Kurapika is here! Killuas' friend!” The young boy shouted as he entered the front door, dragging both me and Killua along now.

“Oh hello, good to see you again.” She answered kindly as we entered the kitchen, an assortment of baking goods splayed across her apron.

“Good to see you.” I replied, smiling at her.

Suddenly, She began moving around frantically, gathering utensils in her arms.

“Oh, it just looks horrible in here right now! I’m sorry you have to see it this way!” She said. And I just laughed.

The kitchen looked like it had gone through hell and back, with dishes and ingredients scattered everywhere.

“It’s no big deal. Here, let me help!”

I began gathering dirty dishes and taking them to the sink.

“Kurapika, was it?” Mito asked. I nodded.

“Well Kurapika, you really don’t have to do that, but I will gladly accept your help anyway.”

“I would love to.” I replied, and we began picking up together.

The boys grabbed a plateful of cookies and ran off, shouting their thanks.

“Lively ones those are,” Mito said with a look of content. “Makes me happy to see him make new friends.”

“I feel the same, Killua struggled with making friends for so long, but he seems so happy now.” I responded while pushing back the sleeves of my cardigan to put dish gloves on. When suddenly, I had the audacity to feel insecure about my outfit.

But to be fair, I didn’t really know these people, to Mito, I could just be some college-aged crossdresser who hangs out with a 9th grader. She doesn’t know where I came from, or even my preferred pronouns.

Well technically, only Killua and Melody know that, but ya know.

I gulped as I pulled at my single dangling earring, ready to bust out into a nervous sweat when Mito interrupted my thoughts.

“I love your shoes by the way,” She said, wiping her forehead with the back of her arm. “I remember all the edgy kids would wear big ol’ boots in my day and I always wanted to get a pair, but they were pretty expensive.” She laughed as she began wiping the counters again.

My shoulders relaxed and I left out a huff of air.

“They still are sadly, or else I’d have the entire collection.” I laughed.

“They match your outfit nicely, especially with the flared slacks. I never thought I’d see them in something other than dark clothes and chains honestly.”

“Oh trust me, I just didn’t feel like getting weighed down by 10 pounds of metal today, but I can totally pull off that style too,” I smirked, all insecurities long gone as I scrubbed at the bowl covered in dough.

“I’ll be looking forward to it!” Mito laughed as she threw the current wipe away and grabbed another one.

A silence had just fallen over the room when the doorbell rang.

“Gon! Can you get that!”

Oh yeah, that’s his name.

‘Wasn’t there someone who mentioned him the other day?’ I asked myself.

“OKAY!” There was a thunderous rush of footsteps and a ball of pure energy came rushing down the stairs and towards the door. And a nonchalant Killua following suit at a normal pace behind him.

“So much energy...” I said quietly.

“Tell me about it.” Mito replied, and we both laughed.

“Hey! Cookies are done!” I heard Gon say.

“They’re in the kitchen.” Killua added.

Someone he’s willing to talk to? Do they know each other? I asked myself.

“Ahh, man Mitos chocolate chips are just what the doctor ordered!” I heard a loud, familiar voice say.

I whipped around just in time to see Killua, Gon, and Leorio enter the kitchen.

The taller still looking at the boys.

“Get it, cause ima be a doctor, so I can order whatever I want.” He laughed at himself, and the younger rolled their eyes.

“Tough crowd.” He scoffed, looking up, probably expecting to meet Mitos' gaze, but instead meeting mine.

“Hey Leorio, good one.. haha...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe in adults accepting younger generations sense of fashion and gender expression supremacy. Also it took me literally an hour to write 8/9th of this I swear i, going mad. N e ways HMU on my kinsta or check out my Spotify playlist LMAO https://open.spotify.com/user/oepu5r4z26qn3gqpwigij43y6?si=aiTT_LnUSWuDxcNqlm9GVw


	5. Spinning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey... uh.. passes out and dies

Leorio didn’t move for a second, nor did it look like he was even breathing. 

He was simply stuck mid- grin. looking at someone who he had expected to be someone else.

That person being me. Naturally.

“Uh, Leorio?” Gon asked while poking him. 

He just let out a strangled: “It’s you.” Then an even more choked: “In my cousins' house...”

‘I guess this is the cousin he was talking about.’ I said to myself, smirk pulling at the corner of my lips.

Killua gave both Leorio and me a cat-like smile and slinked over towards me, nuzzling up to my side. 

Looking at him in confusion he opened his mouth to speak.

“So Leorio, is this by chance the hot angry blonde you were talking to Gon and I about the other day?” He asked, arm wrapping around mine.

I flushed and glared at Killua, removing his arm from mine. 

He didn’t seem bothered in the slightest though. Simply sliding around and behind me. Then, he directed his next statement at me. 

“And I suppose this is the one that made you mad on your campus tour the other day.” 

I rolled my eyes and took the dish gloves off. Spinning around to face my white-haired friend. 

“Killu-“

“YOU TOLD HIM ABOUT THAT?” Leorio shouted indignantly, a pout threatening to form on his mouth. 

“I mean, maybe?” I asked sheepishly. Grinning at Leorio as I dusted off my clothes.

He whimpered a bit and crossed his arms over his ridiculous Hawaiian shirt. 

“I guess that’s fair... but still!” A pout had now definitely formed on Leorios’ face as he let out a huff and looked away. A shade of pink tinting his tanned skin.

“So are we just gonna ignore Leorios’ comment towards you? Lame.” Killua said while slouching away back towards Gon, who just looked utterly confused. 

There was also cookie crumbs on his face but that’s beside the point I suppose.

“yES!” Leorio shouted while making his way over to me. “We ARE going to ignore it.” He said while shooting Killua a murderous glare. 

The shorter simply gave the taller a smirk, completely deflecting all the murderous intent that had been sent his way. 

Leorio scoffed and stood in front of me. 

‘Wow, he is really tall.’ I noted, swallowing a little as I looked up at him. 

“Uh... hey?” I said in a questioning manner as he leaned down towards me a bit, his face showing an array of emotions and questions.

I leaned back and averted my gaze. Left hand going to one of my belt loops to tug at it nervously. 

Finally, Leorio stood back and simply raised an eyebrow. 

“So, you know the brat?” Was his wise question. He flicked his head towards Killua, who was standing with Gon. They were both picking at the chocolate chip cookies. 

I smiled a bit and cleared my throat, straightening my back and looking up at him. 

“Yes. We’ve known each other for quite some time actually.”

“Yeah, we’re besties. And Kurapika is too good for you so back off grandpa.” Killua remarked from his spot over the cookies, never looking up from them. 

Leorio squawked and once again crossed his arms, then began to tap his foot. 

“Are you wearing, dad flip-flops?” I asked, a little appalled. “And, cargo shorts?”

I doubt I hid the apparent disapproval on my face as Leorio let out a choking noise. 

“HEY! It’s my day off!” He shouted, then added: “Why is it that you always see me when I’m not wearing a suit.” He pouted.

Now I smiled up at him. 

“It’s ok, I’m not too fond of suits so I’d much prefer to see you in casual wear, trust me.” I started. “Maybe just not, in such a hideous fashion though...”

Not to mention that it was 50 degrees outside and he wasn’t wearing a single article of clothing that looked like it provided some kind of warmth.

“See! Told you, you dress like a loser.” Gon said. 

“Hey, you’re no better than me Mister I-wear-green-knee high- boots- and-matching-shorts-and-jacket.” 

Gon mocked offense and shrugged. “That was years ago. What’s your excuse old man?”

“It was TWO years ago! And IM NOT AN OLD MAN?” Leorio yelled back and the younger boys just giggled.

“Ok, I think that’s enough yelling in the kitchen for me.” Mito suddenly cut in. “Gon, Killua, leave Leorio alone. Leorio, stop bickering with 9th graders. Kurapika, thank you so much for your help and I’m so sorry you had to see all this, they can get a little hectic.” 

Mito said while shooing the younger boys away from the cookies. 

“Ok...” Was their mopey response as they walked back towards the stairs. 

“Bye Kurapika, call you later.” Killua said while going up the stairs.

“Bye!” Gon shouted while waving at me from his place behind Killua. 

I just smiled at waved at them as I walked towards the kitchen exit. 

“Here you go, thank you for your help today and sorry to rush you out like this.” Mito said with a small smile. 

She obviously had reached her limit with the little yelling match. 

Mito handed me a bag of cookies, a few of every kind. 

“Thank you so much, they smell great. And please don’t be sorry I completely understand.” I replied while taking the bag and holding it up to my chest. 

“Mmhm, hope to you soon Kurapika.” Then she added: “Wear the chains next time!” She laughed lightly and I neared the door, stopping to laugh with her. 

“I definitely will.” 

“Hey what about mine?” Leorio asked, a frown on his face as he looked at my bag of cookies. 

“Well, you can either go try your luck with the boys to see if they’ll hand over a few or ask Kurapika to share. Your choice.” Mito said while walking back towards the kitchen.

Leaving me with an upset Leorio. 

Who just so happened to be blocking the door. 

“Uh, long time no see.” I joked, swallowing as I looked at the door yearningly. 

Leorios’ expression softened and his shoulders relaxed a bit. His hand finding the back of his neck as he cracked a small smile. 

“Hey Pika, what brings you here?” 

“You sure do love to use nick-names,” I said while rolling my eyes. “And it was to drop Killua off, now c’mon, let’s go before you make me lose my cookie privileges.”

He made an ‘O’ with his mouth and opened the front door, only walking out after I did. 

“Thanks.” I muttered past him. 

“Sure thing,” He started, walking towards my car and leaning on it lightly. “So... about those cookies.” He said sheepishly, rubbing his jaw lightly.

“Mmhm, what about them?” I asked nonchalantly as I came around to the drivers' side of my car. Hand resting on the hood of it.

“Can I, uh... can I please have some?” Leorio choked about the question as if it was the most embarrassing thing he had ever said. 

My expression remained stoic for a moment, staring him down. 

I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy how he shuffled from side to side nervously. Swallowing anytime he made eye contact with me. 

I finally broke when he cleared his throat, I couldn’t stop the small smile that pulled at my lips. 

“Of course Leorio, it’s your family members cooking after all.”

He did a little arm pump as he crossed over towards me.

“Thanks, you’re the best.” Leorio smiled down at me, hands out for what I assumed to be a cookie.

“You want me to just, put them in your hands?” 

He looked like I had just asked a stupid question and I gave him the same look back.

“I mean, I literally live right there...” He said, pointing to the house next door. “So yeah?”

“Uh, ok I guess,” I said, opening up the large Ziploc bag. “Guess I was just kinda expecting a baggie or something more, uh... hygienic.” 

Leorio took his hands away and placed them on his hips. 

“THAT'S what’s bugging you? The germs I’ll catch on a 20-foot walk?” 

I shrugged. He was the one that wanted to be a doctor.

“If it matters that much to you I’ll go get a bag from my hou-“ He paused. “Hey, what are you doing today?” 

I stiffened.

“Well I had a lunch date with Melody and then brought Killua here but other than that,” I racked my brain for anything else. 

There was nothing.

“Other than that I don’t know.” 

Leorio gave me a broad smile.

“How about you come over! We can eat cookies AND get work done!” He said it like it was the most brilliant idea that had ever been thought of.

He looked so earnest.

The expression tugged at something inside me. It made my chest pang with some unidentifiable emotion. 

“I don’t know, Leorio. I wouldn’t wanna be a bother to anyone.”

He waved his hand at me. 

“Nah don’t worry about that, the family is out for the week visiting some relatives for thanksgiving.” 

“You didn’t go with them?” I asked, a little confused.

“Oh, I’ll leave the day before the actual holiday. I just wanted to make sure I could focus on classes till the last minute, you know?” 

I nodded.

“So you coming over or am I gonna have to go get a bag and come back?” Leorio asked. He said it with a smirk but at the same time, I could tell it was an honest question. And he would respect my answer either way.

“Uh,” I rubbed my thumb as I pondered over what to do. “Sure.”

His smirk grew into a smile as he began walking to the house next door. 

“Come on in then!”  
\-----------------------------

Leorio led me through the door to his home and spread his arms.

“Welcome to Paladiknight headquarters!” He said, broad grin still slapped on his face.

I looked around. There were picture frames on the wall and over on the fireplace mantle. A couch that looked like it had seen better days, and a wooden table in what I assumed to be the dining area. 

“Man it will be so much cooler to finally say ‘Welcome to Leorio headquarters’ in a couple of weeks after I move into my place.” Leorio said, then added: “I’ll have to give you the opening tour, Kurapika. I’m moving in right around Christmas break.”

“Mmhm, I’ll be waiting.” I said, going up the photos on the mantle. Eyes landing on one with Leorio, and who I assuming to be his mom and dad. It was his high school graduation ceremony. 

“You all look so happy.” I said while tracing over the Leorio in the photo with a single finger.

“Yeah!” He came up beside me. Staring at the picture with nothing but fondness. “It was a big day for all of us.” 

“All of you?” I asked. 

“Yep.” He said, popping the P as he walked back towards the kitchen. 

‘That ends that conversation I suppose.’ Shrugging a little as I spoke to myself.

“Here let’s put some on a plate to heat up, then we can head up to my room to work,” He paused. “Or just hang, I have some video games.” He added.

I gulped and suddenly my hand was shaking. Leorio had done nothing wrong. He was only being hospitable, yet I had started to shake with a growing nervousness.

“O-ok.” Was all I got and Leorio turned back to look at me, confusion scrunching in his eyebrows.

“You good?” 

Was I good? Maybe. I don’t know. Not sure. It’s not like being alone in a new room with someone you honestly don’t know that well gives me bad memories of countless interrogations. Or walking in only to see something horrifying. 

Like your entire family laying dead on the floor.

Nah, haha. 

I blinked a few times, urging myself to calm down a bit. And finally managed to still myself some.

“Yeah sorry,” He looked at me with suspicion and I quickly asked: “Do you have the plate yet?” I shook the bag of cookies for emphasis and he finally looked away from me. Opening a cabinet and grabbing a plate and then back to me to take the cookies. 

He shook a few cookies onto the plate and put them in the microwave. Lightly tapping his foot as he waiting for it to finish.

When it dinged he took the plate and walked towards the stairs, looking back at me. 

“You sure you’re ok? Ya know you don’t have to stay here, right? If you want to take take the cookies and leave it’s -“

“It’s ok,” I said quickly, walking towards the stairs with Leorio. “I just haven’t been over to someone’s house in a while, not sure I remember what to do... haha.” I laughed, though I’m not sure it was entirely convincing. 

Leorio frowned a bit, then shrugged as he began making his way up the stairs. 

I followed after him closely. Staring at his long legs as they stretched to walk up one step after another. At the top of the stairs, there was a hallway. One room on one side, and two on the other. 

He turned to the side with two rooms, taking me to the one at the very end.

“Sorry if it’s a little messy.” Leorio said as he turned the doorknob. I gulped and balled my fist, unclenching and clenching it what seemed to be a dozen times before the door was finally open.

What I saw;

Was normal. 

Leorio walked in and set the plate of cookies on a desk with a computer on it. Then opened a drawer and pulled two gaming controllers out. 

“In case you wanna play.” He said while smirking and waving the controllers around. 

The tension eased out of my body and I stepped in. 

There was no blood, no bodies, no blank white walls. No single desk with someone sitting on the opposite side waiting to pick at your brain. 

“Just sit wherever!” Leorio said as he rummaged around a bit more. 

I nodded and sat on the edge of his bed, looking around. 

So many photos. He and his parents, the one I had seen downstairs, and more. There were pictures of what looked like him as a baby. And even some with Gon. 

“Cute,” I muttered and Leorio perked up.

“I know I am.”

“I was talking about Gon.” I said, rolling my eyes. 

“Hey, that’s not fair! We basically looked the same as kids so I’m still gonna take it as a compliment.” Leorio said while crossing his arms.

“Mmhm, take it as you please then, I suppose.” Still moving around the room Leorio with a pout on his face, Leorio finally plopped down on a large bean bag in the corner. Controllers, laptop, and cookies near him. 

“Good, I will.” He started, then added with an extravagant flourish of his hands: “And what shall we do first my most honored guest?” Leorio said with a waggle of his eyebrows that had me hiding a laugh behind one of my hands. 

“Might as well do some work while I’m here.” 

Leorio raised an eyebrow.

“Really? Lame.” He said while shrugging his shoulders and opening up the laptop. 

“Lame? You were the one that let me choose you know.” 

“Well duh, of course, I’m gonna give you the choice. You’re my guest after all. Buuuut,” he dragged out. “I was expecting for you to choose something funner, like video games or something.” He said, waving the controllers around. 

“First of all. ‘Funner’ is not a word.” I said with a scowl. “Second, then you should have just said so instead of dragging this out.” Spite and malice lacing through my every word.

A silence fell over the room. Leorio looking anywhere but my eyes as he shoved a cookie in his mouth. 

‘Why was I so bad at this?’ I sighed internally. 

Then out loud as well.

“I’m sorry Leorio, I’m just, really not good at this stuff. The only friend I’ve had in the last decade is Killua, and he usually just drags me off to someplace. Not to mention I’ve never even been over to a friends' house’.” I said pathetically, chewing at the inside of my lip as I looked over to him.

Leorios’ eyes softened as he stood up and sat next to me on the bed. It creaked softly as he leaned onto one hand closer to me. 

I gulped harshly and averted my gaze. Suddenly drowning in nervousness again. 

With him this close I could smell him. It was the same cologne he had on the other day. I could hear his breathing. If I dared to look I could probably see the short scruff on his jaw and chin. 

My heart spiked when I heard him speak, voice too loud and too close to my ears. 

“Kurapika,” He began softly. “I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn’t keep putting you in these situations.”

“I can’t expect you to just magically know what to do and not to do Leorio, you’re just being a normal person, I’m the one who's making things difficult.” 

First, possible friend, I could make in years and this is how I treat them. Good job, Kurapika. 

“As a Doctor to be, I should be able to read people,” Leorio said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, pointing a thumb to his chest.

I shifted uncomfortably as something inside me panged. 

Leorio sure did make that happen a lot I thought to myself while clenching my teeth. 

He was too good. 

Too kind.

Too easy to get attached to.

“Leorio-“ I started. But I didn’t know what else to say. 

“Hm?” He asked easily, shutting his eyes as he smiled at me. 

My stomach did flips at the sight of it. 

“Please don’t, uh... let me be a burden to you.”

The dark-haired man opened his eyes and frowned at me. Then sat up straight and clamped his hands onto my shoulders.

This earned a large jolt out of me and I sat up straight. Narrowing my eyes at him. 

“What are you-“

“Never. Never, think of yourself as a burden.”

Nothing but resolve and earnestness shone in his eyes. 

It was enough to make me shiver. 

“Friends don’t think of each other as burdens, Kurapika. And I want you to be my friend.” 

I wanted to whimper at his kind words. 

“Why are you so nice to me, Leorio. You met me what, a week ago? Not to mention I was a jerk to you.” 

Leorio laughed and he removed his hands from my shoulders, instantly leaving them cold. 

“I don’t know bro, guess you just seem cool.” He said while he continued to laugh. “Plus you actually seem to have some fashion sense.” 

“HUH?” I shouted and felt a flush come to my cheeks. “You're telling me, the reason you wanna be friends is cause you like the way I dress?”

“Uh, well, it’s one of the reasons I suppose. Never seen a man work a skin-tight turtleneck with a single earring and STILL look like he could drop-kick anyone into next week.” 

I grimaced a little at his choice words but still appreciated the gesture. 

“But more than that Kurapika, you just seem like a good person.”

“A good person, hm?” 

“Yeah.”

Suddenly, Leorios’ breathing was loud in my ears. I realized once again just how close he was to me.

Overwhelmed by the proximity I leaned back quickly. 

This earned a startled look from Leorio, who began looking at me curiously.

“You good?” 

I just shook my head and straightened myself up a little. 

He shrugged and stood up, grabbing a cookie and offering it to me. I gratefully accepted it and began nibbling on it.

After a moment of silence, I spoke. 

“So, what video games do you have?”

Leorio perked up at this.

\-----------------------------

It felt like hours had gone by when Leorio let out a loud groan and tossed the controller down. 

“How do you keep winning?” He whined. Falling onto his back on the floor, his arm coming up to cover his face. 

I smirked down at him and stretched my arms above my head. 

“Natural talent I suppose.” 

“Yeah cause people are just born being ‘Mario Kart’ geniuses.” Leorio said as he rolled back up into a sitting position.

From my spot on the bed, his head was still up to my waist. 

He turned his head to look at me, a lopsided grin plastered on his face. 

“Yeah, guess they are.” I smirked back at him. And he laid down on the floor again, stretching his long limbs. 

“You’re so big compared to me.” 

He gave me a quizzical look from his spot on the floor and embarrassment instantly coursed throughout me. 

“You’re super tall I mean...” I sputtered out quickly. 

“True.” He said as if he had to think about it. “I could probably just pick you or something.”

I raised an eyebrow. 

“Does that mean you think I can’t pick you up because I’m smaller than you?” At this Leorios’ mouth and brows curved this way and that. 

“I mean, uh, I don’t know? Can you?” 

This had us both thinking it over. Then Leorio stood up. 

“The best way to find out is to try, right?” 

“Huh?” I asked, eyes widening. Yet I felt my feet touch the floor anyway. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Leorio neared me and smiled his toothy grin down at me. 

“Ready?” He asked, letting his hands hover above my shoulders.

I nodded my head and ghosted my hands over his back and legs.

After a deep breath, I wrapped my arms around his waist and under his legs, lifting him off the ground with surprising ease. 

Leorio made a gurgling sound and did what I’m assuming to be his best not to squirm. 

I hefted him up once for good measure and for a moment, he was completely still. Then, he began laughing with pure delight. Looking up at me happily.

“Well, I guess this answers my question.” He said cheerfully. 

I flushed and looked away, nodding my head as I set him back down. 

After a moment of laughing and dusting himself off, the aspiring doctor looked down at me with a lopsided grin. 

“Your turn, Sunshine.”

“Again, with the names.” I sighed. “And I don’t know... I think I’ll be ok without being picked up today.” I said while picking a crumb off my shirt.

“Hmm, that just won’t work.” Leorio said while drawing close to me again, a devious smile growing. 

“LeorIO-“ I began to shout but he was already scooping me up in one, quick, fluid motion. Struggling against his long arms, Leorio held me to his chest as he laughed. I bounced as he hefted me up. 

“Not too bad right?” He asked. 

With one hand clutched his shirt and the other to my chest I shot up the most murderous glare I could muster. 

“Why do I get the feeling you do a lot of surprise pickups.” I pouted from my spot in his arms. 

Leorio laughed at this. 

“What can I say, Gon use to love being picked up, probably still does in all honesty.”

“Yeah.” He shifted his hands and suddenly I became acutely aware of his hands on me. Long fingers stretched under my legs, reaching the top of my thighs. 

I felt how his fingers flexed at my waist, loosening and tightening his grip occasionally. I could even feel his breath coming down on me. 

His sharp jawline filling my gaze again, close enough to touch. 

He was just looking at me. 

Waiting for a reply. 

Nothing but a soft easiness in his eyes. 

A kind look. 

“Leorio...”

“Yeah?” He asked, and I could feel my hand uncurling itself from my chest. Reaching up towards him. 

I should stop. I thought to myself. 

Yet my hand continued farther up until my fingertips were resting on the side of Leorios’ face. 

“Kurapika?” He asked, confusion prominent in his voice. 

Instead of answering I flattened my hand out, thumb resting near his mouth.

“Uh? You good?” 

“My hand isn’t even as big as your face,” I mumbled out, caressing his cheek softly as I stared up at him.

Leorio made an ‘Mmm’ sound as he leaned into the touch. Shutting his eyes contently. 

For a moment, we stayed like that. Me rubbing my thumb in circles while Leorio made soft Cooing sounds and encouraged the movements. 

Then, I realized: 

this was insane. 

“DOWN.” I yelled as I kicked my feet, snapping Leorio out of his daze with a startled yelp. 

“OK OK!” He said as he set me down lightly, I quickly walked to the other side of the room. Gripping onto my hand with the other as if it would act on its own again. 

It was technically you.

The annoying voice in my head supplied.

‘Oh shut up.’ I thought to myself.

I twisted my foot back and forth on the carpet as I bit at my lower lip before I gathered what little courage I had and looked up at the taller. 

“Uh? Pika?” 

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“Yeah.”

That was a lie. I could feel my heart practically trying to beat my chest open as I flicked my gaze back and forth between him and anything else.

He raised an eyebrow and eventually shrugged. 

“I think I should head on home now, maybe actually get some work done.” I said, the last part with a pathetic little laugh. 

“Huh? I have a computer and a laptop we can work together you don’t have to go-“

“It’s ok! I should pick up my place a little as well.” 

His shoulders slumped and he cocked his head to the side, the beginning of a pout forming at his mouth. 

“Oh, uh ok.”

My chest ached at his tone of voice and put-out expression. 

I shuffled my feet for a moment before I walked towards the door. 

“Well uh, see you.” I said while stepping out of Leorios’ room. 

“Do you want me to walk you out?” He asked, and maybe I was imagining it, but it sounded a little hopeful. 

Turning to face him, I gave him a small smile. 

“It’s ok, thanks though.” 

If he said anything after that, I didn’t hear him.

In fact, I didn’t hear anything until I shut the door to my apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote a leopika smut, check it out 😐 also next chap is almost done I just have to remember to post it


	6. 30 Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi someone inspire me to post regularly challenge

As soon as I shut the door to my apartment, I had a grand epiphany: 

I was stupid. 

A complete and utter fool.

“Great, just great.” I groaned, tossing myself onto my couch with a thud. 

I rubbed my face into the cushion harshly, shutting my eyes tightly as I did my best to remove my classmate from my mind. 

It seemed my best wasn’t good enough though. 

‘What is he thinking right now?’

‘Is he confused?’

‘Does he dislike me now?’

I sat up with a jolt, heart hammering as I asked myself the last question. My vision had blurred from the cushion yet I looked around frantically.

Patting myself down, I found my phone and pulled it out. 

Immediately pulling up Leorios’ contact info I stared at it and gulped harshly.

What should I do? 

I asked myself, but after a moment, I realized that I wasn’t going to be of any help. 

Useless.

Slouching back onto the couch, phone in hand, all I could do was stare. 

This was stupid and childish. 

I thought to myself with a cross of my arms, dropping my phone onto the couch. 

Even though I knew this, it didn’t help to stop the flood of insecurity and doubt I felt.

\-----------------------------

If Leorio disliked me, he didn’t act like it. 

“So that’s when I said: If you’re gonna elect me student council president, I’m just gonna do whatever the hell I want!” He said with a large swoop of his arms.

On the way to class, he had seen me get out of my car and ran over to me.

Literally ran over. 

Suit and all. 

“And why did they want to elect you again?” I asked with a raise of an eyebrow.

He turned to smirk down at me, thumb coming out to jab at his chest. 

“Because this one video of me punching Gons dad went viral at my high school.” He said a bit too proudly. 

“You punched... Gons’ dad?” I paused. “Why, exactly?” I asked.

“Cause he’s a dick who deserved it.” Leorio said with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“Ok then...” 

I wasn’t quite sure what to add after that, but the taller seemed content. A small smile on his face as we walked side by side. 

It would be a lie if I said the beginning of a smile was forming on my face as well. 

The evening I came back from his house plagued with fears of him hating me; as if he could read my mind from afar. 

He sent me a text.

Leorio: “Ayo, can I still say I listen to Pretty Boy Swag by Soulja Boy ironically if I play it 20 times a day 🤨🤔💯”

It wasn’t until hours later that I noticed it though, and by then it was too late.

Probably anyways. 

“Hey, Leorio,” I said looking up at him. 

“What’s up?” He replied easily. 

“It’s not ironic anymore, by the way.”

He stopped and scoffed loudly, narrowing his eyes at me. 

“Oh, I see! You leave me hanging all night just to embarrass me in person, huh?” 

I winced and gave him a small smile. 

“Sorry I didn’t see your text until like, 3 am.” I said, hand going up to fiddle with my earring. Then back down to twist one of my many rings.

For the first time all semester, I was wearing something other than a hoodie.

My hair was pulled back and I had bundled up in a large green coat matched with black jeans and boots. 

“3? Kurapika, try to sleep, please.” 

I gave him a laugh as we continued to walk. 

“But I’m surprised you can still look good considering you must feel like a zombie.” He added, looking me up and down with a hand on his chin.

I swallowed under his gaze and looked away. 

“All though, the green coat does have Nagito Komaeda vibes.” 

“Just wait until I whip out the maid outfit and cat ears.” I added with a shrug. And I absolutely adored the way Leorios’ jaw dropped as he stopped dead in his tracks.

After a few feet, he shook his hand and came to catch up with me. 

“I was really expecting you to be the one stopped in their tracks but never mind I guess. Just had to go and outdo me, huh?” 

I hummed in response as we neared the building. 

A comfortable silence washed over us as we entered and went our separate ways. 

Sending smiles and waves as we parted. 

\-----------------------------

I was doing homework when I felt my phone buzz for what must have been the 40th time.

‘Guess I shouldn’t ignore it any more’ I grumbled to myself. 

It was Killua calling. 

“Hello?” 

“Why is Leorio asking me and Gon if you actually have a maid outfit?”

Oh my god. 

In the background, I heard someone shouting. 

“Who are you on the phone with and why did I hear my name?” 

“Shut up old man!” Killua shouted back and I sighed. “Anyways, answer the question, Kurapika.”

“Kurapika?!” Leorio yelled in the background. 

“I don’t know Killua, he’s probably just curious due to a comment I made earlier.” I said, turning back to my laptop as I began to tap at it again. 

“What conversation would y’all be having that forces your maid outfit to come up?” He asked incredulously, and I just knew he had a hand on his hip and a scowl on his face. 

“Because-“ 

My phone started to buzz again. 

Pulling it back to look at it, it was Leorio. 

“Hold on Killua, I’m getting another call.”

“Kurapika don’t you dARE HANG UP O-“

I ended the call and accepted the other. 

“Hello?” I said with a sigh, and Leorio began talking quickly.

“LOOK. THE ONLY REASON I WAS ASKING IS BECAUSE YOU KINDA JUST LEFT ME HANGING? YOU DIDNT EVEN EXPLAIN OR ANYTHING.”

“You didn’t ask me to explain, Leorio,” I replied, giving up on holding the phone with my shoulder and ear and placing it on my desk, doing my best to read my assignment and listen to Killua yelling in the background of Leorios’ phone call. 

He whimpered over the phone and stayed quiet for a moment.

“Oh.” He started. “Uh, can you explain why you have a maid outfit?”

In the back, I heard Killua add: “and cat ears!”

I rolled my eyes and sighed again, rubbing my face which had a pink tint by now. 

“Because,” I began. “One time when I was ordering something for Killua online, a pair of cat ears were in the frequently bought together section so I, very stupidly, decided to click on them. And Lo-and-behold what was in the ears suggested purchases... a maid consume! So two days later I had a maid outfit and cat ears hanging in my closet that would never see the light of day again.”

Leorio was quiet on the other side of the line and I took a deep breath. 

“I have two questions.” He said.

“Which would be?” I asked, patience wearing thin. 

“What were you ordering for Killua? And does this mean I can’t see you in the maid costume?”

My cheeks flared red my phone began vibrating quickly again. 

It was an assortment of messages from Killua. All of them basically saying: “DONT TELL LEORIO WHAT YOU WERE ORDERING ME.”

I shot back a quick ‘ok’ as Leorio cleared his throat. 

“Uh, I cannot answer the first question apparently. And as for the second, I don’t even know how to respond.”

“HAHA OK SORRY BYE” 

He hung up with a click and I was left staring at the black screen with a dumbfounded expression. 

He hung up on me?

I physically felt my heart plummet as my palms started sweating. 

I did something wrong again. 

Didn’t I?

My laptop and schoolwork suddenly meant nothing to me as the slimy, achy feeling returned. 

“Was he mad?” I asked out loud.

My mind was yelling at me to call him back, ask him what I did wrong and how to fix it. 

What did I need to do to keep him in my life?

He wouldn’t stop talking to me over something silly as this?

Would he? 

I didn’t know. 

But the voice in my head was saying he would.

Practically shoving my chair back, I ran to my closet, pushing all my other clothes aside as I grabbed the stupid maid dress and ears. 

Throwing my current clothes off and the dress on, I went to the mirror and ran my fingers through my hair. Straightening it the best I could and fixing my rings and earring.

Taking a moment to slow down, I put on the ears softly, positioning them just right then grabbing the white socks that came with it.

After finishing, I grabbed my phone and pulled up the camera. 

‘How did I pose?’ I asked myself nervously.

What would Leorio be happy with? 

First, I simply propped my phone up and set a timer, standing back and holding one of the dresses' edges up in my hand as I smiled.

After the picture was taken, I grabbed my phone to stand in front of my mirror.

I pulled up a chair and propped my leg up on it. Arm resting on my knee as I hunched forward and put the phone in front of my face; snapping a picture. 

I looked at it with a scowl. 

Pushing the chair away I sunk to the floor and onto my knees, spreading them as the dress got pulled further up my thighs. I cocked my head to the side and barely rested it on my hand. Smiling lightly at the camera as I took the picture. 

I rolled my eyes at the results.

He wouldn’t be happy with these, would he? I’ve already done too many things to him. 

He would have no problem never talking to me again. 

Seemingly against my will, my shaking hands sent the cursed photos to Leorio. 

Not even a full minute later, the message was seen, and he was calling me again. 

How my heart managed to speed up even quicker I wasn’t sure. 

“Hello?” I answered shakily.

He thinks your gross. He’s calling to you he hates you. 

Tears began to form at the corners of my eyes as I pulled at the costume. 

“If I say no homo can I say that you look hot as fuck?”

Oh. Maybe not. 

I laughed loudly, the achy-ness subsiding.

“Sure, why not.” I said with a sniffle as I wiped the tears away.

“Huh? Wait, Kurapika are you crying?” He asked quickly, worry evident in his voice. 

As if pulling a drain, all the worry and anxiety I had just felt were being washed away by Leorios’ caring tone.

“Nah, I think I just have to sneeze.” 

“You think?”

“Yeah...” 

“Ok well, uh.” He laughed nervously. “You look really good, like your regular outfits are already cool as fuck but that’s next level, Pika.”

My face burned red again.

“Oh well, I’m glad you liked it?” I half said half asked. “Or else I’d feel even more stupid standing here in it.”

“Wait, you put it on, like right now? You currently have it on? You took those pictures just now?” He rushed out, and for a moment I was too overwhelmed to respond.

“Yeah? I mean, I’m taking it off now but ya know.” 

“Oh-“ He began. “One sec, Pika.” He added and I rolled my eyes while making an ‘Mmhm’ noise. I heard him say something and heard a door shut then my phone started buzzing again. 

Leorio wanted to FaceTime. 

Confused, I accepted it and the brunette appeared on my screen.

“Oh my god, you really do have it on.” 

I flushed and held the phone away from me a bit.

“Yeah? What about it?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from wavering. 

There was another opening and shutting of a door and I heard him make his way upstairs before I saw him sit down on a familiar bed. 

He was in his room. 

“Ok so let me get this straight. I called you, we talked, I hung up. Then you proceeded to put on the costume and take photos of you looking like a literal God, just so you could indulge me?”

My cheeks burned as I sat down on my bed. 

“Maybe?”

“God, Kurapika-“ He fell back onto the bed and ran his hand over his face as he groaned. “That’s... really hot for some reason?”

I swallowed. My mind applauding me as it begged for more praise.

“Do you,” I began shakily. “Do you want to see it?” 

Leorio removed his hand and sat back up quickly. 

“Are you just intent on making me worship you?” 

My heart sped up and I nodded. 

“Sure, why not.” I said for the second time this phone call.

He let out a whine and the line went silent for a moment. 

“Yes, Kurapika, I want to see you.” 

I licked my lips and walked towards my desk. Bending down to set it against the wall then backing up so Leorio could see my entire frame. 

“Holy shit-“ He whispered. 

I balled my fist in the fabric and turned to and fro, lifting the bottom of it a bit and exposing the tops of the thigh-high socks. 

Leorio groaned and slapped a hand over his face. 

“I wish I could rock something like that, we’d look so cool.”

I grinned and dropped the dress. 

“I’m sure you could, they have maid dresses with longer skirts instead of short ones.” A mental image of Leorio and I matching in costumes.

“Uh-oh, I just might have to get one.” He laughed. “Ya know, It’s not fair how insanely good you look.” Leorio said with a shy smile.

I couldn’t help but blush and went out of the phones sight.

“Well, I put it on just for you so I’m glad you like it.”

He took in a sharp breath. 

“Kurapika, when you say things like that...” he said with a slight whine. Then added: “But why did you do that just for me?”

I began to take the ears off while I listened to him talk.

“I thought you were mad at me.” I admitted. Leorio scrunched his eyebrows and cocked his head.

“Why would I be mad at you?”

I pulled the dress off, hanging it back up as I searched my mind for an answer.

‘Why would he be mad at me?’

“Haha, I don’t know.” I replied sheepishly.

Good one.

“Kurapika can you look at me?” Leorio asked over the phone. 

I slipped a shirt on and went to grab the phone, looking at Leorio expectantly.

“I’m not sure why you think I would be mad at you, but even if I was. You shouldn’t do something that makes you uncomfortable for other people’s sake.”

There he goes again. Saying things that make me melt. 

“You’re very kind, Leorio.” Was all I managed to get out past the lump in my throat.

\-----------------------------

Leorio would be gone all week. 

Well technically, all my classmates would be gone this week and for the upcoming few.

December had flown by and ended with exams. 

And just like that, my first semester of college was over. 

Killua and Melody were wanting to meet up soon to have a celebratory meal and I had agreed to go. This would also act as our Christmas planning meal.

But currently, I was sitting alone in my room blaring music like some angsty teenager.

All I could think about lately was the long-limbed brunette.

With his bright smiles and earnest attitude. 

He practically plagued my thoughts. 

‘What could I do to make him happy?’

‘How can I keep him in my life?’

And on the worse days:

“What if he stops wanting to be friends with me?”

To think I would become so dependent on a friendship I’d only had for a few months, it was pathetic.

These past couple of weeks have been an endless supply of assignments and late nights. Often, Leorio would call and we would work together. Even if the line was silent, I enjoyed his company. 

More than once, Killua had dragged me over to Gons’ house and Leorio had just so happened to come over at the same time. 

Right when I was showing off my chains to Ms. Mito as promised, Leorio barged in to show Gon a picture.

A picture of a frog he found to be specific.

He sputtered as he saw me and his hand took its place at the back of his neck. Coming up to me in an almost shy manner, trying to not make his gaze obvious as he shoved his phone in my face. 

“Isn't he cool,” He asked, showing me the frog. “Found him in my backyard, named him Greg.”

It took all I had not to throw my arms around him and just stay there. 

In his sunshine like warmth. 

“He is a very funky little dude, Leorio. Very proper looking.” I replied, Ms. Mito, laughing at us. 

And the most recent encounter; yesterday at the store.

Killua and I had been shopping and all of a sudden, Gon came yelling and ran up to Killua, ready to jump into his arms.

I was half expecting Killua to bolt from the loud and sudden incomer, distance himself from the scene, and take a moment to assess the situation.

But instead, he grinned one of the biggest smiles I had ever seen on him and catch Gon in his arms easily. 

Swinging him around then setting him down softly as he asked what he was doing here. 

“Me and Leorio are shopping for his new place!”

As soon as his name was said, the taller man came up with a stuffed shopping cart. 

“Gon! Don’t just run off!” He said with a scowl. Leorio turned his gaze from his cousin to look at me, a lopsided grin on his face now as he walked over towards me. 

“I’m not 6 Leorio, I’m literally in high school.” Gon said with a cross of his arms. “Plus! I just KNEW I heard Killuas’ voice and had to come see!” 

Killua blushed at Gons’ words and called him an idiot, nudging him with his hip. 

“Yeah yeah whatever,” Leorio said. A hand coming to the back of his neck. 

“Hey Pika, fancy meeting you here.” He finished with a smirk. 

I rolled my eyes and leaned onto my shopping cart. Looking at him through my lashes.

“Fancy isn’t the word I would necessarily choose, but the surprise is still valid I suppose.” I began, taking a look at his stuffed basket. “Have enough?”

“Just about, we’re taking all this stuff to my new place right after we’re done!”

Oh yeah, he was moving today. 

“Well, that’s exciting.” Leorio nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah after I get everything settled tonight I was gonna invite you over tomorrow, give you Paladiknight 2.0 tour.” He finished with a smile as he extended his arms up. 

“Why does Kurapika get a special tour tomorrow,” Gon grumbled by his spot at Killuas side. “Mito and I just have to help you do all the work and you get to live the glory.” He finished with a grumble.

This earned a flustered look from Leorio as he made his way over to Gon, arms going up in defense.

“Hey, man if you wanna come over again tomorrow, sure... just thought you’d be bored already.”

Gon seemed to ponder on this.

“Yeah, your right, plus, me and Killua were gonna see if Kurapika could drop us off at the movies tomorrow anyways.”

I raised a brow at the boys and Killua gave me a small smile.

“I haven’t heard about this yet.” Gon rubbed the back of his head and came over to me.

“Hi, Kurapika!” He said with a broad smile while he bounced all the balls of his feet. “Would you perhaps be ok with taking me and Killua to the movies for our dat-“

Killua was over at Gons side in an instant, slapping a hand over his mouth and glaring at him. 

I heard Leorio let out a chortle and I instantly shot him a glare, to which he stiffened and nodded. 

“What Gon was TRYING to say,” Killua began, jabbing a finger at Gon. “Was if you would take us for our day together, since we know Leorio will be too busy to bug and you’ve been, well... hanging out with Leorio lately.” Killua mocked puking as he put a stomach on his hand, shooting Leorio a fake disgusted look. 

“Hey, you brat!” Leorio came over to me and clamped his hands on my shoulders, jolting me up with a shock.

“For your information, Pika told me the other day he thinks I’m ‘swag’!” He said while shaking me a little. 

All I could do was simply be rocked back in forth, Killua giving us a mischievous smile. 

“Swag? What have you been teaching my Kurapika, old man?” 

Another round of shaking began as Leorio defended himself. But all I could do was smile and enjoy the warmth of his hands.

Once they were done bickering, he removed his hands from my shoulders. I internally mourned the loss of warmth, but only for a moment. 

Leorio slung his whole arm around my shoulders this time, pulling my back to his chest and he jabbed a thumb towards us. 

“See, me and Pika are besties too. So stop being jealous Killua.” 

The white-haired boy rolled his eyes and gave a ‘whatever in response’, brows furrowing as he turned away towards Gon. 

Odd. 

I thought to myself, taking note of his response. 

I would have to ask him about that later. 

Turning my head to look up at the taller man, I spoke.

“Well I suppose I have no problem dropping them off tomorrow, what time do you want me to come over?”

He beamed down at me, pulling me impossibly closer to him. I looked away and pursed my lips, very interested in the floor suddenly. 

“Right after you drop them off would be great! I’ll send you the address later!” 

\-----------------------------

He did send the address. And I was supposed to go to his place today.

But as of the moment, it was 6 am and I was blaring music so loud I’m sure I would be getting complaints from my neighbors. 

Why? 

Why you ask?

Because I needed to drown the annoying voices in my head. 

I finally decided to give up and turn the music down, beginning my day with a sigh. 

Might as eat breakfast, clean up a bit, maybe even go for a run. 

By 9 my whole place had been scrubbed from top to bottom and I had successfully gone for a run around the block. 

9:30 rolled around and my phone was buzzing from a text. 

Killua: The movie starts at 11 so if you could come get us at 10:30 that would be cool.

I responded with an ‘Ok’ and made my way to the shower.

Finishing and throwing on a sweatshirt and jeans, I combed out my damp hair. 

It’s not like I was gonna be there long, right? No need to dress up. 

Probably. 

Making my way out of my apartment, I locked up and got into my car. 

I got Killua first. He was practically humming with nervous excitement as he called Gon to tell him we were on our way. 

“I hope you have fun today, Killua.” I said, which earned a blush and wave of a hand. 

“Of course I’ll have fun, it’s Gon. He’s way cooler than Leorio. So I doubt you’ll have much fun today.” He paused, then added: “you could just come with me and Gon, he won’t mind.” 

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. 

“Why don’t you like Leorio?” 

Killua shrugged. 

“It’s not that I don’t like him. He’s fine, it’s just...” A silence fell over us as we drove, the only sound being other cars on the road for a moment. “I know I spend a lot of time with Gon now, but you’re still my friend. I don’t want you to forget that, and push me aside or something”

For a moment, I was too startled to say anything. 

“Kill-“

“It’s dumb. I’m sorry.” He interrupted. 

“It’s not, but it is. It’s not because I understand where you’re coming from but, you should know by now I won’t just push you aside or even think about leaving you. You’re my best friend Killua, we’ve been through a lot together. Adding some new people to put circle won’t change anything, okay?”

Killua stayed quiet for a moment, then I saw him nod. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for.” I said as I pulled into Gons driveway, he instantly came bounding out, waving and shouting something to who I’m assuming to be Mito. 

“Hi Killua, hi Kurapika!” Gon said excitedly as he got into my car. 

“Hi Gon, you ready?” He shook his head ‘yes’ quickly, and they began talking happily about the movie they planned on seeing. 

Once we got there, Gon said his thanks and bounded out of the car and towards the line. 

Killua turned to face me. 

“Thank you, Kurapika. It means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.” 

I couldn’t help but swallow as I looked at the youngers’ sincere expression.

“You mean a lot to me as well, Killua. Now go have fun on your date.” 

He blushed and turned away, unbuckling and getting out of the car. Then he ducked down to say:

“Just don’t tell Leorio it’s a date, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

And with that, he shut the door and made his way over to Gon. 

And I, was left alone to make my way to Leorios’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov: u write a fic that is just u projecting and writing about weird scenarios you've gone through. the maid costume bit was takin straight out of my life book

**Author's Note:**

> well, was it horrible? yeah? i figured.


End file.
